A great night

So I met one of the most beautiful women in the world last night.
Absolutely gorgeous... and I got her number.

I would never have met her had Alex not decided to be a little bitch. Friday I psyched myself up to go to Zack's bachelor party all day, telling myself that no matter what, I was going to have a great time. Dispite Sailor Moon marathons and whatnot, I told myself that not only would I have a good time, but Zack would appreciate my presence.
Alex was supposed to pick me up at 5:15 at my place, and we were going to trek to louisville and do our thing. I call him at 2:00 and he tells me he's on the road.
To the 'ville.
So I got a bit pissed, having spent the day psyching myself up.
So that night Will calls me and we head out to the bars.
Once in McCarthy's we spy a girl and strike up a conversation, and then her friend shows up....
The aforementioned gorgeous girl.
So until we get kicked out of McCarthy's, We're talking. After we leave, and I have contact info, I run into two Irish chicks, which Will and I spend the next couple of hours talking to. We're meeting them again tonight at McCarthy's, and I can only assume we'll hang with them until they leave for My Island in a week.
All in all, the night that was going to be a trial ended up being one of the better ones I've had in a while.
GIRLS!!!!
HELL FUCKING YEAH!!!

GBS(General Bullshit)

I am thoroughly enjoying being single right now. I don't think I've had this much fun in a long time. Last night was the bachelor party, and that was just too much fun. Beer pong, running through triangle park's fountains with a girl, party party party.
I had an outstanding time, it was, methinks, one of the better parties I've thrown, but then again, I didn't get to go to the last real party I threw.

Girls.
Girls are so much fun, and they are hilarious to watch. Some girls get vicious with others, some just kinda play along and make the other think everything's ok, and then stab her in the back later, others just brazenly take what they want and cast triumphant looks at the other girl.
All in all, they are a study in non-violent confrontation.

Today is Jarvis' wedding. Next thursday is lucy's party, and friday is Zack Grow's party. Zack kinda did things the right way, though only in certain aspects. His bachelor party consists of role-playing and a Sailor Moon marathon. I think I'm going to shoot myself.
No booze, he doesn't want it anywhere near him, and no strippers, which, all in all, just saves us money. For all I know his fiancee will be there, because she likes role-playing and sailor moon as well. they are a match made in AnimeHeaven.
The only way his bachelor party is correct, is that it's a week before the wedding, though he won't need any time to recover.
Lucy's party should be fun though.

Seriously though, I don't think I've had this much fun being single in several years, if ever. I don't WANT a girlfriend right now, which may mean that it happens, because that's how life works, but there you have it. SINGLE IS GOOD.

Wedding Season

....And their off!!!

Wedding Season is in full swing these days, with not one, but four of my friend's weddings happening over the next two weekends. Wedding Season started in august, when Trey tied the knot, and started its pendulum motion when a new guy at work jumped the broom and sword last weekend.
In honor of this, tonight I am taking my suit to the drycleaners, popping in Tomcats, and Wedding Crashers, and cracking open a six pack to ready myself for the revelry that is to ensue.

'Tis the season to be single, because, just like Christmas, the feeling of joy spreads. First to the females, and then to the males(though I have to say that Alex got a bit freaked out over the last month and a half, and asked Heather to marry him(thinking that Larkin and I were going to work out and get married, watching Trey come home married, knowing about Joe, Jarvis and Zack, and thinking about Chris and Carrie). [this lasted a week]).

So this season should be one of the more enjoyable times, though, as it wanes, I will be left with a few close friends with wich to share the 'burden' of bachelorhood, and hold it aloft, saving it from extinction.
-Should be interesting....

Knowledge vs. Suspicion

Knowing is better than suspecting, no matter how hard the truth is to hear.
For instance; knowing that your girlfriend has been with another man the whole time you dated is better than suspecting so, because if you don't know then you might take her back, but if you do know, you won't even give her the time of day.

Suspicion is a virus. It grows and grows, sewing discord until there is nothing left but mistrust.
Knowledge, on the other hand, breeds no doubt, and allows one to act accordingly.

Forced Réchauffé

So I got exactly what I needed last night... which almost never happens.
As a result, I have made decisions that needed to be made, and taken steps to rectify certain situations.
If there is one thing that I have found to be true, it is that we can't trust ourselves to be strong all the time. No matter what we tell ourselves, no matter how hard we try, if we put ourselves in situations that are rife with temptation, we will fail.
I know more about myself now than I used to, which is of course, the goal.
I know that if I tell myself something, I won't necessarily listen, and thus, if I am truly adamant about a certain thing, I shouldn't allow the temptation to foster in my soul, I should remove myself from the situation completely.
Which is now going into effect.

Another thing I know about myself that I didn't before.
If I get a gut feeling about something, It's pretty much true.
If more than sixty percent of me feels that something is wrong, something is fucked up, It generally is.
The only part about knowing this is that I found out the hard way... which I have come to know is the only way I learn.
The most recent "benefit" of this knowledge has allowed me to build up resilience to the wiles of a certain succubus through the cheapening of the feelings I had for her, and knowing the truth of the time we spent together.

The Lamentations of a Disenfranchised Romantic

In life there is one thing that is constant.
People will fuck you over if you let them.

This is what I have let happen with Larkin.
I let her fuck me over for two months, and I wanted her during this time, regardless of what she was doing to me. I still want her, but I don't want WHO SHE IS. I want her body, I want a girl with the same or greater level of charm that she has, but SHE is one of the worst people I have ever met, let alone fallen for. She supercedes Jessica Whitman, who, in front of my face went for my best friend over me.
In my dealings with Larkin I accepted what I wanted to hear against the knowledge that she would fuck me over.
What we want is much more powerful than what we know.

She fucked up.
She fucked up big. She just lost the only chance she had to get back with me, and I'm not bragging(because my competition is the dregs of society) when I say that I was the best thing to ever happen to her.
She has gotten herself into a rut that will be all the more dfficult to climb out of the longer she stays in it; yet, the problem is, she WANTS to be in this rut. She can't step back and see the larger picture and know where she is. She will never see past the moment, and that(thankfully) is never a LASTING problem I have. I get it every once in a while, but I generally get myself away from whatever it is that is keeping me from stepping back, and then do so.

In more ways than the surface meaning. What we Know(as in what we are used to) is far worse than what we WANT, and yet, somewhere buried inside us, we WANT what we know, regardless of the so-called "realization" that what we know is wrong.

It's a vicious circle called love, and it is the greatest failing and(simultaneously) the greatest strength of our species.

My question is this:
If we were able to step past Love, to completely exonerate it from our existence, would we really miss it?
All of the detritus that comes with this feeling we think is supreme would be stacked against the true nature of the feeling, and the detritus would FAR outweigh the feeling.
At this point we could say to ourselves that a life without love is indeed better than a life with it, for the desire to love brings too much crap with it. the desire to love allows us to get ourselves into positions that a more intelligent, more rational being would never consider. We fool ourselves into thinking that the moments of "true love" are worth all the shit, and that once we "find love" all will be catapulted into outer space by the overwhelming weight of the [drunks can't utilize vocabulary] that our current situation affords us.
this is bullshit.

Losing Perspective

I'm losing my resolve.
I really like this girl, maybe more.
I've enjoyed being single, setting up dates and going out with people, having wild monkey sex with people I just met and whatnot, but I still come back to what seems like a base point of caring about her more, and wanting to be with her, not these other girls.
I broke up with her for specific reasons, and yet, since that happened, she seems like she's really tried to choke up on the bat and stop swinging wildly. She's really been working on our relationship, even as friends... and that's one of the major things I was wanting from her.
I want her bad, and I have no idea why... from anyone else the things she did to me would make me want to kill her and never talk to her again, but I just can't stay mad at her, and I can't keep hating her.
mybe if I find someone to actually DATE, then these feelings will evaporate. I had feelings like this for Annie, and now I don't want her, but that took forever, and we didn't really have all that good of a time together unless we were fucking.
Larkin... perhaps I am merely losing perspective. Perhaps what I want is clouding what happened... I don't know.
Will would say so, Austin would say so, Alex would say "maybe she is changing," and my mom would say "don't get hurt." Austin's oppinion doesn't count, because, well, it's Austin, and he's sorely inexperienced in matters of the heart.
Will's a bastard, but at least he knows what he's talking about, and he's a good friend. Alex is a great friend, he knows what's going on in my head, and he's going through the same things. He honestly wants what's best for me. He would probably say something along the lines of don't let yourself get hurt.
I mean, it is my life, and my friends are just that, friends. Sources of advice who have different perspectives on the situation, yes, but they aren't me, and they can't make my decisions for me...

Society's Mantle

In life there are very few constants.
1) Love exists, and is the greatest tribulation of our species.
2) Ignorance is something one must constantly struggle with, for:
3) Nothing is static; everything changes.

Those of us who constantly wish for a path to follow are intellectually and spiritually lazy.
Wishing there was a path to follow, some benevolent intangible being watching over us and wanting good things for us is just a product of our own fear of failure. Society sets upon us a mantle of expectations that we tend to follow more closely, or desire more deeply than that which is given us by parents or guardians, regardless of what we want or think is right.
Society says we should be successful, get married, have children, work hard, play hard, die young and leave a beautiful corpse.
this fear of failure, that we have one chance to do what will work the best for us, or we will never be happy, is like a suit of chains mooring us to an ever-sinking ship. This suit of chains can be cast off by the individual, but it usually requires the ship hitting bottom before we figure out that we can, in fact, reach the surface again.
Yet, when our ship sinks, we feel as if we have no hard surface to stand on, no base point, when in reality, any base point we set up is always floating freely.
Even Islands become inhabitable.
My advice to you is to take risks. Nothing is gained by wishes, nothing is gained though worry. We can only live and be happy through throwing ourselves to the four winds, and waiting to see where we land.

I have decided to do what I want. Descretion will be involved, realism will abound, and yet, I will live my life as I see fit. Doing the things that make one happy is a vital and neccesary part of having a life worth living.

On a completely random note, the profession of bartender is a lower paying, more effective form of psychologist. Bartenders give you advice on life, cheer you up, provide for you when you need it most a prescription for mood-enhancing drugs and hands-on prevention of severe or fatal overindulgence, and tell you, with authority, when you are out of line. Without bartenders, this world would be a much darker place.