I very well may get webmaster added to my job title, and if so, I will push for a raise of some sort. This would be fantabulous.

Apparently the overlord boss has already bought some major web editing software, Flash included.

As far as how my life is going right now, I realize that everything I want to do to be a better person is one step away. Yes that may mean there aer 16 steps, but everything I want to do is just waiting there for me to do it. Some of these steps will be 4 years long, others will be six moths, some even two, but they can all be started simultaneously.

HEHEHEHEHE

Burnin'

I'm not burning for anything right now. Im so stagnated that it will be a shock to go work out today.
I'm looking at a precalculus book online, and I'm already having fun trying to figure this shit out. I figure If I can take my time with it, I might give myself a leg up when I go back to school in the fall.

"Burn out the day, burn out the night. I can't see no reason to put up a fight...
I'm livin' for givin' the devil his due, Im burnin' im burnin' im burnin' for you..."

When Life Says, "Fuck Your Indecision," In a Manner That Leaves You Feeling Gutshot.

An ode to shortcomings best kept to one's self, the very nature of which are interpersonal; and those unspeakable moments in our lives that we delude ourselves into being happy.

Certain slips of tongue and mind that have me saying the truth when a version of it would be better, certain circumstances that would have benefited, and/or not been born if an ounce of forethought came first; some physical properties that have been sub-par, have all conspired to land me in my current situation.

I honestly think this is the first time I have been passed over for another after I have actively gone after someone. It's not the fact that I was passed over, I've dealt with that. It's the fact that I actually went after this girl, had her for a moment, then lost her. Granted, I had a bunch of things stacked against me, my physical appearance for one, for another, the candidate I was running against was the incumbent.

I have mixed feelings on the whole charade. One, I actually displaced the boyfriend and got a chance. On the other hand, I lost. On the other hand, I achieved a goal I had set myself, to fuck her brains out. At the same time, I created a bond with her that, at least to me, took things further in my heart. This is the main reason I hate one-night stands.
(on a completely different note: I love working here, dogs run around in here on completely random days, walking the eight year old girls that bring them[seeing big dogs walking little people always brings a smile to my face])
I had a dilemma, I have liked Othergirl for longer and more passionately than Larkin, but had set myself the goal previously stated. Then I find out that Othergirl has moved back to town, and I couldn't decide between the two. Life has a way of working itself out. I had decided to date them both, and at some point, drop one and 'go steady' with the other. On that note, my dilemma is solved.
Bear in mind my situation as of Tuesday(Wednesday was when the dilemma was solved). Two girls I really like; one with one set of good points and 'arguments', the other with a different set. I have been in this situation before. The only difference is that I actually took a step and started doing something about it rather than waiting for the situation to resolve itself.
Now: When in this situation previously, the end result was always the same. I wait to find out, and both go away. Hopefully, this won't happen again. The situation is not the same, and several things could make it go any way from left.
I posted something here that, once reread, I deleted. A post about my feelings for Othergirl. It was in-depth, soul-bearing and something that I really shouldn't have put on the internet.

I don't view this as "option one went away, therefore option two is good," I view it as "option one and two are equal in different ways, and now option two has presented itself to be, not only more likely, but more fun."

Larkin cheated on her boyfriend, not only with me(unbeknownst, btw) but with at least one other person. This is not someone I want to be in a serious relationship with because I know exactly what will happen. I have cheated on one girl, after learning that she cheated on me, and then subsequently tried to break the relationship, but that's a Whole Nother Can of Squirms. I think Othergirl is a much more upstanding citizen, with better long-term plans(Larkin wants to be an elementary school teacher[there is nothing wrong with this, but for her it seems to be a cop-out] while Othergirl has a degree in biology and chemistry, and is looking at grad school for equine health).

Seeing Tim come back has me thinking. Will has a girlfriend he lives with in Savannah, Malloy-- is well, Malloy(humorous aside[last night Tim and I are talking about mutual friends and what's been going on in theirs and our lives. I raised my glass and said, 'To Malloy, may we never be in the same situation']), Tim is about to move in with his girl in Columbia, and here I am, sitting alone in Fuckington Kentucky(the city that swallows your dreams then defecates them on your chest, leaving a permanent stain), letting life pass me by, working at the same dead-end job and hanging with the same Headed-Nowhere freinds(Not You, Alex) going to the same bar every week and writing the same fucking novel.

I kicked my ass last night, and starting today, after I pick my car up, I'm going to go work out at the ROC(recreation outreach center at church) which is a little more than a mile away and $5 a month, getting my finances in order and getting registered for Engineering School. If a girl I like wants to come along for the ride, well, More Power To Her.

Hello, Don't You Know Me, Im the Dirt Beneath Your Feet.

I don't know what it is, but today, all I want to do is curl up next to someone I love in bed and sleep comforted.
I don't want to write, I don't want to read, I don't even really want to watch a movie, I just want to be held.
I like to be held, I like to be touched. I like to feel that the person I'm with isn't just taking, they're giving too. It's not enough for me to touch someone else, or to hold someone else all the time. Every once in a while I like to be reciprocated. Don't get me wrong, there is a spot that girls fit into on a man's body. Its right between our hearts and dicks.

On a more serious and less figurative note, its the spot between our arms, against our chests.
Yet, every once in a while I like to have someone watching my back. I sleep with a lot of pillows. I like to have one behind me, one in front of me and one under my head. A girl can take the place of either one that's not under my head.

Leanne, a girl I used to date, was the first girl I ever asked to hold me. She laughed, called me gay, and proceeded to lecture me that guys hold girls not the other way around. She was not one of my better catches.

Annie used to do something that was absolutely awesome. She used to lie on my back when we would watch a movie on the bed, futon floor, whatever. It was a feeling of closeness and security, as well as just plain lovable.

In conclusion I guess what I'm trying to say is this. Girls, hold you're guys every once in a while, they like it as much as you do.

"You like the same things I do: boiled football leather, wax paper, DOG'S BREATH. We're not hitchhiking anymore, we're riding!"
-Ren, "Space Madness"

What Women Do(Whether They Want it or Not)

I haven't talked to Larkin since a few minutes after yelling "FREEDOM!" on Friday night.
That's fine with me, I know what she's doing.
She's stringin me along, trying to keep a back door man, someone she can run to if the main squeeze doesn't work out.
Plus, this means she's been cheating on Josh with me, and I can't get behind people who cheat, simply because I know they'll turn around and do the same to me.
SO, I got my rocks off with a girl I had a crush on for 6 years, and I can be done with it.

Sara called on Saturday night, complaining that her best friend was trying to hook her up with someone who's "fucked up, and you're fucked up, you've been engaged, he's been married, you'd be perfect for each other."
So she asked If I'd tag along to rescue her if need be.
I of course said yes.
Sara calls her friend and tells her that she's bringing me and Austin's coming along too.
"You're bringing a guy?!"
She looks up at me quickly and says, "oh don't worry, he's not interested in me."
To which I quirk and eyebrow. She doesn't see.
This kinda threw me off a bit, yet thinking back over the years I've known her, my actions haven't exactly shown her that I like her(being mostly due to my seizing up and choosing to do nothing rather than take a risk and get burned[which of course ALWAYS gets you burned])
So we go to the bar. I'm resolved to change her view of me and her.
The guy she's supposed to meet is one of those people that makes going bald look bad, and is as boring as a three-hour documentary on salt.
I went outside to smoke, and when I come back she asks if there was some hot girl in here that she didn't see. I said no. She asked if there were any in here and I gave her a mild once-over and smiled.
She laughed and said 'No, remember I'm not a girl..."
Which was a hilarious allusion to an earlier conversation we had had about lying to the friend trying to set you up.
"No, Im gay."
"Oh? Well I know a girl..."
to which I said, "Wait, I just checked, I'm asexual... How do you check that?"
Austin pipes up with "It fell out. Sorry."
So we end up bustin' out, and headin back to the place to watch more Spaced(a hilarious British comedy with most and more of the cast of Shaun of the Dead), during which she falls asleep with her feet on my lap.
All in all, and interesting and enjoyable evening.

Only One Bad Day a Year

But man will it fuck with you.
Yesterday started out really good. I got to sleep in and I also got laid.
Naturally, it only got worse from there.
After I drop off old girl, I start driving to work. I get about 500 feet away from work(coincidentally also about 500 feet away from the jail), when my car shakes a bit and the back end drops down with a screech. I look around and there goes my wheel, still traveling at about 30 mph, toward a guy who just pulled into the intersection. The wheel hits the curb and bounces about 20 feet up in the air. whew! maybe it'll just fly over him....NO its gonna land on his hood!!!
It doesn't, it lands and bounces up to hit his fender, leaving a dent. I get out thinking im totally screwed.
The guy looks at me and shakes his head with a huge smile on his face and says, "don't worry about it, your WHEEL just fell off."
So I collect the wheel and look at it. The only thing left on the car is the brakes and rotars and the axle. The thing that the lug nuts attach to? No. It's still attached to the rim, which is in my hands.
Several people I work with saw me sitting there and the mechanic dude who'se really a manager comes up and tells me i need a wrecker.
Fine, I call Fast Enough Performance and tell them i need a tow.
Two cops come by and i tell them everythings ok, ive got a tow truck coming, and they drive off. One finally runs my plates and walks over to me, shootin' the shit.
"Did you know you've got two warrants out for your arrest?"
"No."
"Did you know your license is suspended?"
"No."
"Is there anything else i can tell you to ruin your day?"
"No."
So my Overlord Boss comes out and asks me if i need a ride anywhere, to which the Cop replies, "Naw, we'll give him a ride."
So I go to jail.
I spend 6 hours in jail, hoping that they will 10 % my bond from $1000. Doesn't happen. Then I call the overlord boss and tell him im probably not making it back to work today, and maybe not monday either, to which he asks about and subsequently posts my bond.
I walk outside the jail and yell out, "They can take our land, they can take our lives, but they can't keep us in jail. FREEDOM!!!!"
An hour of sitting around outside the jail later, alex shows up.

So I call Larkin and tell her this story. She laughs at me, and says she'll give me a call when she's finished drinking at pazzo's with her work friends.

So Alex, Trey and I go to arby's to eat, then meet Austin at Lynagh's pub, where Larkin is sitting with her ex-boyfriend. She smiled at me and stuff, but they were gone shortly after that.
So far I have been able to see the humor in all of this, and it's still not been a horrible day.
Not any more. I don't know what it was about seeing her with him again, and leaving with him that ruined the humor of the day.
I'm still not sure she's not still dating him.
So i finished my drink, called Sara to wish her a happy birthday, but only got a voicemail, came home and started laughing with Alex Austin and Trey. finally, the thought of Larkin still dating Josh creeps in and insinuates itself in my brain, bringing with it the fact that Sara doesn't really want to talk to me anymore.

So all in all, until the part where I find out the girl I'm fucking still has a boyfriend who's company she prefers, I had a decent day. Learning that you're just a peice of Fuck Meat may sound good to some people, but to me, there's really nothing worse.

Overall though, I'm damn glad I only have one bad day a year.

Be Gentle In the Morning, Give 'em Hell in the Afternoon

Today started with a very gentle morning. I awoke to find a beautiful woman in my arms. No matter that she had stolen the entire bed and pushed my head and pillow off, no matter that she was slowly over the course of the night rotating 90 degrees to end up crosswise on the bed.
This morning was a time for gentleness. Light caresses and a kiss on the cheek to wake her, quiet jokes and shared cigarettes.
So gentle in fact that when I got to work and the first song WMP played was the Firefly Theme, I got all choked up.
But now all of that is fading like the details of a dream, and I remember a conversation I had with Austin last night.

He claims that spelling 'whore' without the 'W' is acceptable in print.
I of course argued. He said that he had seen it written that way, to which I interrupted with 'the internet doesn't count, and neither does Stephen King,' which of course was a bit of a low blow. He called me an ass, and I explained that I am reading the Dark Tower series right now, and that I can say whatever the hell I want to about King.
He maintained that he had seen 'whore' written without the w, and not just on the internet, to which I replied, "Site me one."
He brought up Comic Books, and I refrained from saying what I was thinking, being as that is his genre of choice for creative outlet.
I was thinking that Comic books have never set the standard on anything but tight costumes and bad plot lines, and if there are comics out there that spell 'whore' without the 'W', then that just affirms the opinion of every English major, English teacher, and well read individual out there that comics don't live up to the standards of modern literature that even Stephen King follows.
In the Neverending Story, when Bastion takes refuge in the bookstore, the old man tells him he has no video games. Bastion replies with something along the lines of I love books, I've read loads.
to which the shop owner replies, derisively, Comic Books.
Then Bastion starts spouting off all the classics he's read, and the shop owner looks at him with an expression of incredulity.

In conclusion, I know I'm right about this, if only to use the internet as a reference and say that when googling the phrase "stupid hore" I got about 41,000 hits. When I googled "stupid whore", I got over 2 million.
I told him that what he is doing to the English language is exactly what the French did, except the French added their language to the vernacular as a show of dominance and attempted 'civilizing the barbarians,' whereas he is changing the vernacular to be 'easier' through ignorance and laziness.
That's not OK, and not the same thing at all.
He replied with 'a word only has to be in five books to make it into the dictionary.
Then I laughed in his face.

Mirriam-Webster has this to say about adding words to the dictionary;
"To be included in a Merriam-Webster dictionary, a word must be used in a substantial number of citations that come from a wide range of publications over a considerable period of time."

The Internet is exponentially increasing both the amount of knowledge available to the common person, and the ease of ignoring it all.
You can't hide willful ignorance, and 99 times out of 100 trying to hide it only shows said ignorance more plainly.

OWOR Evolution and Maturation

I'm thinking that I should make OWOR into an epic novel inasmuch as giving other characters POVs.
For instance as the book starts, Lei-Shing Ishvara, the man who will unite the clans, has started his ploy for power. As the book goes on, we see Lei-Shing gathering strength and dominating clans, calling to himself the Preist Clan(drawn from all clans and outside the Caste system) and gathering power. We see him set the strings in motion for the Commonwealth to start limiting clan tourism, and then he leads them to battle.

Also bringing in perhaps the POV of one of the Death Twins, which will certainly clear up the whole muck-cesspool of plot that i have for the mob vs. Hadri and the reasons therein. Perhaps even a POV for heaven, but im not sure about that one. Maybe there will be a few short stories that are chapter long of people you meet and they die after seeing clansmen, or perhaps don't. maybe I'll create a Marine CHaracter that could meet up with Hadri in the resistance. I have a 3-man fire team that I have developed to run into Hadri, perhaps one of them has a POV that gives us a great comparrison of what the hell is happening, what the clansmen fight like on the surface, and how the CS Marines get to be so fucking big.

I think ill at least start to write them, and if it takes too much away from the storyline(which of course, it wouldn't) ill keep it out and figure out a way to tell you otherwise.

Today

Today is the last day of my former life, and also the first of the new.

on a completely new note...
I was just reading through what i have written for Rites of Blood, and Im lovin it.
some of the character interaction is hilarious, to me at least, and i had forgotten most of it. It's like meeting an old friend at a pub and spending the next four hours catching up.

the greatest part about this excercise is that i already have three sentences I would quote if I read them in someone else's book.
hehehehehe
The parts in ROB that I am reading are the continuation of the good stuff at the end of OWOR. Currently I have to finish rewriting the training years, then run a fine tooth comb over the end of OWOR, go back and read it all and see if it's interesting. If not, well, fuckoff im still gonna publish it.
:)

In the Event of a Zombie Apocalypse...

I am a huge geek, but it's ok. Saturday we were re-watching Shaun of the Dead. Half way through I told them to pause it, and said, In the Event of a Zombie Apocalypse, I would...
this spawned a huge discussion on what melee weapons would be best, what sort of ammunition you would want.

I just thought this was rather amusing.

Anyway. WoW is a hell of a lot of fun. Larkin hasn't been on when i have for a while, but last time I talked to her she said she was higher level than the time before.
I'm really enjoying being in a guild. I haven't done any raids yet, but as soon as I hit level 20, I'm gonna see about it. Last night I bought the guild tabbard. It's fuckin' cool. I asked Jebuss if there were any armor bonuses for it, he said no, and asked me if I had the cash for it. I said 'yeah, but I'm debating between using half of it for training..."
He interrupted me and said check your mail.
He sent me 2 gold.
Nice. I can upgrade just about everything now.
Alex will be pissed as hell when i tell him... hehehehehe.

Now is the Time for Another 'Now is the Time' Post

Now is the Time to do everything that needs to be done.
Now is the Time, because I've already started.
Now is the Time when I'm getting the girl, and thus Now is the Time to be strong, get in shape, and take care of all the problems I have, both mentally, figuratively and physically.

Last Night Was the Time to start it all, and Last Night indeed started it all.
I got into a fight with a friend, which of course ended well for both of us, I got laid last night, which ended well too, and I drank beer with friends, which also ended well.
The three things that came of this to make Now the Time:
I want to be stronger, so that the fighting is good and better,
I want to look good naked, so I don't embarrass myself, I am sexy, and I can be an arm ornament as well,
I want to make a lot of friends to drink and have fun with any time.

So Now is the Time to walk to the gym ride the excercise bikes and work out the muscles I need for everything, wich of course is all of them. Now is also the time to go to the doctor and see what the fuck the burn scar is doing on my shoulder to be inflamed like it is.
Now is the Time to get the hair i don't like off my body.
Now is the Time to get tan.
Now is the Time to love myself and love another.
AND NOW IS THE TIME TO SELL A SHORT STORY OR SEVEN, AND GET MY WRITING CAREER OFF THE GROUND. NOW IS ALSO THE TIME TO GET BACK IN SCHOOL AND GET A DEGREE OF SOME SORT SO I CAN LEAVE THIS SHITHOLE TOWN AND TRAVEL.

Now is the Time to stop saying 'Now is the Time.'

It amazed me how unbearably hot this girl was naked. All the things that girls do to make themselves sexy she has done, and wow.
me, I haven't done anything of the sort. looking down at our bodies I saw a hot girl and a fat slob. Not Cool. I'm not a fat slob, but I appear that way right now, and well, that bothers the fuck out of me as much as a man who buggers boys.

Now is Also the Time to start Christmas Shopping

The Bad, the Ugly, and Everything Else That Comes From The Good.

A good thing happened to me yesterday. A thing that should have lightened my spirits, set me on a willing path to the greater good[of myself, naturally] and generally made me feel Good. Instead I feel Bad and Ugly. Its amazing how much baggage we carry that likes to spring open on the airport floor, showering the terminal with pink underwear and butt plugs.
I wish i could reformat my life. Get rid of all the viruses, worms and trojan horses, and put all the data back on. reformat my assumptions, wipe the slate cleen within myself. You can always move to a new town and start over, but inside your mind, you will never have the clean slate. You kill someone accidentally, and move out of the small town of 300, where the stigma kills you every time you look out your window, let alone walk out the door. You go to Chicago, and nobody knows this happened.

Except You.

I haven't accidentally killed anyone, but I do have some assumptions and knowledge based neuroses that i could do well without.

Im going to go try to enjoy the aftermath of the good thing.