Grief Over Lost Paragons
I have come to a place in life that in the back of my mind I dreaded, but merely because it represented a sense of new beginnings.
My last relationship was a failure in many ways, and yet, a success in one very important way.
In the past I have made mistakes, and done what I could to not make them again. One of these past mistakes was thinking about a girl I barely knew, and over the years attributing qualities to her that she may or may not have had.
You start with something they do, and then expound upon that, and eventually, that becomes fact in your mind and you keep expounding from there. Lo and Behold, this girl is the epitome of the perfect woman for you. Years down the road, you've run into her a couple of times, and one or two actions fit so perfectly with that image in your mind that you never stop to think 'how do I know this about her?'
Then you start dating her, because that's the natural next step when you already love someone. Over the course of the relationship you realize, even though you are able to accept some faults, that this person has far more than you originally realized(because they're human). You slowly start to realize that this person isn't who you thought they were, and the relationship at that point is doomed.
I know that I have a very hard time overcoming mental images of people. Once it becomes apparent that this person acts differently, my traitorous mind decides that what I have in my head is Who They Could Be, and I set the wheels in motion to help them Get Back To Themselves.
This is wrong.
Denial: I can't believe you're acting like this. Stop.
Anger: What the Fuck is wrong with you? Shape up or ship out!
bargaining: Well, due to this or that, they have fallen down the tubes, and I can help them back to The Shining Beacon of Femininity and Love that I know they are.
Depression: I can't help them and I don't care.
Acceptance: They never were that person, it was all just a figment of my imagination.
Fortunately, Larkin was the last girl that I did this for. I came to a conclusion my freshman year of college that people change. I stopped thinking about girls like that, realized that if I had found true love, I would still have it. Then I dated Annie, and the process started over again, but in a mutated form.
I saw that which was standing in her way, and proceeded to remove that block. This is good, but it still involves holding people to higher standards than they can conceivably meet.
Now, having disillusioned myself of the purity and angelic nature of the one girl that I had fallen back on after every relationship since meeting her, I am finally through most of the fire. I can calm my wild natures and make better decisions, I can use my wisdom and knowledge to help people, but not to such a degree. This act becomes more and more feasible I mean to say.
My last relationship was a failure in many ways, and yet, a success in one very important way.
In the past I have made mistakes, and done what I could to not make them again. One of these past mistakes was thinking about a girl I barely knew, and over the years attributing qualities to her that she may or may not have had.
You start with something they do, and then expound upon that, and eventually, that becomes fact in your mind and you keep expounding from there. Lo and Behold, this girl is the epitome of the perfect woman for you. Years down the road, you've run into her a couple of times, and one or two actions fit so perfectly with that image in your mind that you never stop to think 'how do I know this about her?'
Then you start dating her, because that's the natural next step when you already love someone. Over the course of the relationship you realize, even though you are able to accept some faults, that this person has far more than you originally realized(because they're human). You slowly start to realize that this person isn't who you thought they were, and the relationship at that point is doomed.
I know that I have a very hard time overcoming mental images of people. Once it becomes apparent that this person acts differently, my traitorous mind decides that what I have in my head is Who They Could Be, and I set the wheels in motion to help them Get Back To Themselves.
This is wrong.
Denial: I can't believe you're acting like this. Stop.
Anger: What the Fuck is wrong with you? Shape up or ship out!
bargaining: Well, due to this or that, they have fallen down the tubes, and I can help them back to The Shining Beacon of Femininity and Love that I know they are.
Depression: I can't help them and I don't care.
Acceptance: They never were that person, it was all just a figment of my imagination.
Fortunately, Larkin was the last girl that I did this for. I came to a conclusion my freshman year of college that people change. I stopped thinking about girls like that, realized that if I had found true love, I would still have it. Then I dated Annie, and the process started over again, but in a mutated form.
I saw that which was standing in her way, and proceeded to remove that block. This is good, but it still involves holding people to higher standards than they can conceivably meet.
Now, having disillusioned myself of the purity and angelic nature of the one girl that I had fallen back on after every relationship since meeting her, I am finally through most of the fire. I can calm my wild natures and make better decisions, I can use my wisdom and knowledge to help people, but not to such a degree. This act becomes more and more feasible I mean to say.
posted by Hadrian: Dark One at 12:00 PM
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