Its AELIN

Here we are folks!!!

Thoughts on life

The more i get to know some people, the less I really want anything to do with them. It's amazing how you can get so deep into a conversation with someone for hours, enjoy the time, and then talk to someone else for a few minutes and count the few better than the many.

There realy isn't an anchor in my life. Sure, I have moral anchors, but when it comes to making a decision about something I have no base point. Especially when I start to make one, take a few steps toward it, then decide the other way, take a few steps, then forget where the starting point was.

I was alking to a lady i work with the other day who's got kids older than me and has the level of enlightenment that comes with knowing as much as one can about all the facets of life.
She told me something that I thought was rather funny. "Guys always resent having to grow up." She also said 'never marry a girl that is between the ages of 25-30. They will hate you shortly thereafter. They're afraid of where their going, and angry at their mothers that they're not where they want to be yet.'

This makes me laugh, because I can thingk of five girls I know off the top of my head that are my age and have already been engaged or are married. I just thought of three more.
It seems as if they seek a point of being that society says they should be at, if only to keep up impressions. It's merely a step to take to let the world know that you fit in, while the inner discussion goes back and forth. Once they figure things out, they can go from where they are, or where society says they should be. So find a guy and marry him. If it sucks, go away, if its cool, then maybe that's what you should have done anyway.

I just want to find someone who's on the same page.

I guess the whole deal is this.
what i thought was a date tomorrow apparently isn't. Fine.
However, on the other path, if I willingly submit myself to something I know will cause unfathomable amounts of strife down the road, does that mean I've fallen too far? does that mean i've given up?

The thing is, Girl A is cool in a down-to-earth kinda way, but seems to be at odds with life.
Girl B is Hot as Hell, but has so much baggage when a relationship starts that it's almost not worth it.
Girl A is cool, and seems cool to chill with
Girl B tosses me around on the tides, and makes me want more.
Girl A has a kind of personality that is very close to mine, inasmuch as there really isn't much that doesn't get under our skin.
Girl B Is interested in the same stuff, is mysterious enough to make me want her, and has abilities that are at least in the same realm as mine. She plays the cello. Very well, i might add. She has the sort of faith that is in tune with my own, inasmuch as she's not exactly sure what she beleives aside from the core points.
Girl A has never waivered. This is good, but i don't want it getting to the point where I feel lessened because of it.

I just can't tell myself that I haven't "fallen" for girl B, and Girl A hasn't been able to turn my head in any meaningful way.

The bigger problem is the matter of how i meet and fall for people. It always comes in twos. There is always a decision to be made, and unlike Lee Adama in the new BSG, I never seem to make the right choice.
Two outcomes are standard for me. When two girls present themselves as options, the first outcome is fucking it up with both, and ending up alone. the other is making the wrong decision.
Unfortunately, the wrong decision is never the same action. Circumstances present themselves and I act upon them, and then, once there is no going back, I find out it was the worse of the two outcomes.

Science Fiction Sub-Genres and their Relevance to Chronicles of the Second Invasion

The series of novels tentatively entitled Chronicles of the Second Invasion, currently under massive editing prior to publication by Cameron White, can be most effectively categorized by an amalgam of existing Science Fiction sub-genres, most notably Military Science Fiction and Postcyberpunk.

Military Science Fiction is a specific classification of science fiction or speculative fiction that differs in key aspects from the similar and more widely spread Space Opera sub-genre. Military Science fiction relies upon a soldier or officer's point of view during an armed conflict spanning the stars, whereas Space Opera relies more heavily upon a 'space adventure' story, most usually utilizing some sort of far flung space conflict as background.

Chronicles of the Second Invasion has large similarities with Postcyberpunk as well. The sub-genre of cyberpunk has been on the rise lately, with such films as Blade Runner and the Matrix that emphasize advancing technology and the gritty reality that comes with it, as well as the (potential or otherwise) downfall of society that results from said advancement. Postcyberpunk embraces technology in a more realistic fashion, depicting the darker parts of humanity and the fact that technological advancement will not eradicate them. Lawrence Person has this to say about the differences in Notes Toward a Postcyberpunk Manifesto.

"In cyberpunk, technology facilitates alienation from society. In postcyberpunk, technology is society. Technology is what the characters breathe, eat, and live in."

Postcyberpunk tends to steer away from angst-ridden teenage viewpoints perpetuating chaos and anarchy for the hell of it that so riddled cyberpunk, and veer more towards those miscreants that are content merely to sew havoc, eke out an existence or better themselves within an existing society, rather than bringing down the man and starting over.

Perhaps one could theorize that postcyberpunk is more mature, while still dealing with the 'coming of age' difficulties that are a staple, if not a cliche, of all types of good fiction.

Postcyberpunk also takes a more realistic point of view of technology, citing the fact that the advent of home computers, automobiles and jets hasn't adversely effected society as a whole.

Postcyberpunk is to cyberpunk as a 'practical libertarian' is to a 'tree-hugging lesbian anarchist'.

You can find Notes Toward a Postcyberpunk Manifesto hosted on slashdot, and I highly recommend it as an informative and worthy read.

Some Girls Sing

Some girls.

Some girls have a power about them that ropes you and brings you into their world. if you've ever played a World of Darkness game, she has an effective presence of 5, or for you DnD people, an effective Charisma of 18.
Other girls fade into nothingness around her. Well, not really, but hey.
She is a different kind of girl, the kind you know would fuck your brains out, but it would be sensual, if hungry, and it would be the best lay you ever had. she's also the kind of girl that gets flamboyant and loud when drunk. (hell, she showed us her panties last night because they were cute and had a union jack on them). hotashellredhead(diedmethinks). Her body isn't something you would find in a porn movie, but she's thin, and proportional...Well, her tits are a bit smaller than proportion, but i think that's hot anyway. Her personality, charm, and her face make her as hot as she is.

She doesn't do charm the way Larkin does. Larkin overloads you, then leaves you wondering why you fell for her until she does it again. A lot like Jessica Whitman, actually, without the 'throw subtlety to the wind' attitude.

Last night was a great night at Pazzo's. Perhaps, the best Pint Night I've ever been to.
Austin had been distracted by the prospect of a seat and a table, and so he spent the evening upstairs with the other group we hang with.
I on the other hand, elected to stand and drink with the hilarious table. Jaime, Stopper, Abbie, Sara(different one), Tom, Brad, Malachi, Jacob, Michael(girl) and a couple of people I don't really know, but were fun.
We were laughing the whole time, listening to stories, throwing out compliments, laughing more with the light-hearted insults, and to cap it all off, singing as a group to AC/DC's Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, at the top of our lungs.
I have realized why the Irish have so many drinking songs. When everyone is off key, drunk and happy, the only thing for it is singing. It lifts your spirits, is a natural permutation of joy, and brings the group closer together.
There are several kinds of friends. Book friends, girlfriends, Hot little peices of ass that are dating someone else, but love to have fun friends, Gamer friends, best friends, MIND friends(those who will sit down and philosophize with you till the wee hours of the mornin' and you both come away more than you were), and more.
However, the two types of friends I will be expounding on are Drinking friends and Working Friends.

There are two things that bring friends closer together in ways that nothing else really can. Working with them on some sort of non-salary project, such as Habitat for Humanity or something of that caliber that is for the greater good, will bring you closer in the way that you know this person is at least trying to be a decent person, and you know you can get this done with them. Trust. I'm not talking about the people you work with, I'm talking about the people you do close knit projects with. If you are a mechanical engineer, and your friend is an Electrical Engineer, that could definately work, because you are brainstorming together and bringing something to fruition. But serving friends or Retail friends aren't the same at all.

The other way friends get closer is by Drinking. Drinking friends are close to you as well, but not quite as close. There is no reason to trust them beyond making sure you get home safely and don't overdo it. This is a big thing, but there isn't that overarching trust that work friends have.

BUT... when you add singing to the mix, whether it's singing some song that everyone knows while you put the roof up or bellowing out the same song with too much alcohol running through your veins, the group is closer still. You could be driving down the road, windows down, stereo blasting and pulling rogue maneuvers left and right, but if you are both singing at the top of your capability and loving the song, It's ten times as fun.

Singing together is the next level. When you sing with a friend, and another friend comes over, if they don't join in, there is immediately a barrier there that may or may not be overcome that evening.

So in conclusion SING!

"If you sing, sing...Sing sing sing. For the love you bring won't mean a thing unless you sing, sing sing sing."-Travis-sing

Falling Behind

It seems that I'm in the time of my life when engagements happen, people meet who they will be with for the rest of their lives, things start falling into place, and the next step becomes that little bit clearer.

Sara has been engaged twice. I only know the story behind the one, and it was the kind of thing that you see in a romance movie, except that the outcome was... less than desirable.
Larkin's been engaged at least once, if not twice. I don't know any details on those.
Liz is engaged, Traci has been, Jennifer is married, Carrie and Malloy are married, Tim's moving in with his girl, and thinking about poppin' the question, Dave is married, Chris Ellison is married, I wouldn't be surprised to find that Will and Amanda get married if their current situation fixes itself...
That's over half of the people I know. I've never asked a girl to marry me. I guess that's kinda healthy, inasmuch as I haven't found a girl that I love enough to ask... but it just seems to have crept up on me.

I feel that I'm falling behind in life, missing out on a great thing, watching the crowd pass me by.
Another thing that makes me feel this way is perhaps the desire inside of me to be married. I have enough of a rationale, both consciously and sub-consciously not to marry the wrong person, but the thought of walking into a bar and introducing a girl as my wife calls to me like a siren.

the new night fills my senses,
every glowing window yet another star
in the horizon,
smoke curling over my hand,
watching the night turn into day,
a girl
turn into a
woman.
bolted to the chair
unable to move
able to watch
unwilling to change
too willing to understand

the morning fog rolls over me
still in my chair
unwilling to change,
slowly unable to comprehend
for at least another twelve
hours,
I can live without pain

never claimed to be a poet, and why's obvious now :)
what I was meaning to say, was that I watch everyone grow and change, but I feel locked down. the new night represents those cunning moments of realization when the world comes into focus, letting you know exactly where you are, what you are doing, and how much you really don't know about people and society. and just as the dawn always comes slowly but inexorably, so does the return to normal awareness.

Top Ten Hottest Women In Sci Fi

I just read an article by a female author describing the top ten hottest women in sci fi.
It was absolute crap. Granted, all the women she mentioned were good looking...
But no.
Here's what she said:
10 Anette O'Toole(smallville)
9 Natalie Portman(star wars prequels)
8 Gina Torres(firefly)
7 Musetta Vander(SG-1, Buffy)
6 Tricia Helfer(Battlestar Galactica)
5 Morena Baccarin(firefly)
4 Katharine Heigl(roswell)
3 Claudia Black(Farscape)
2 Claudia Christian(babylon 5)
1 Monica Belucci(Matrix Sequels)

Im sorry. These are all good looking women, but not the top ten. You may disagree, but hey, this is my blog not yours :).

I do have the same problem with this that she does. There are too many. When I set out to do this I thought it would be a peice of cake.
I was wrong.

Runners up include Jewel Staite, Summer Glau, Alexa Davalos(chronicles of riddick), Linda Hamilton(terminator 2 Sara connor), tricia Helfer, the list goes on.
Enjoy!

Number Ten

GINA TORRES, ahh. Gina. A gorgeous Warrior Woman on Firefly, and an excellent choice for the role, especially because 'gorgeous' was in the character description, and therefore necessary.

Number Nine

MORENA BACCARIN is another Firefly chick that has that kind of smile that makes you want to lie down and let whatever happens happen.

Number Eight

KANDYCE MCCLURE is a Sci-Fi Military chick that just blows you away when you see her out of uniform... How far can we get her out, I wonder...

Number Seven

DINA MEYER stole the show from whateverhernamewas(the pilot chick) in Starship Troopers. I think she's one of the hottest sci-fi military chicks out there, mostly because she played the part instead of just looking cool in the clothes.

Number Six

Jennifer Connelly.
'nuff said.
She won over the male populace in Dark City all those years ago, and has kept that spot in loyal fans all along. She was the only reason I didn't walk out of the theater when I saw The Hulk.

Number Five

TORRI HIGGINSON plays Dr. Weir on Stargate: Atlantis. SGA is a horrible show, and unfortunately Mrs. Higginson can't counteract that...
But I'll watch a bit of it after Battlestar Galactica just to see what kind of red she's wearing this time.(her character always has some sort of red clothing on) Absolutely gorgeous

Number Four

BRIDGET MOYNAHAN has one of those faces that makes you feel like you're in the sun. She has one of those bodies that make you feel like you're gonna... nevermind. She was the female lead in I, Robot, but she caught my eye outside the genre first in The Recruit with Colin Farrel and Al Pacino.

Number Three

I have had a thing for MILLA JOVAVICH since I saw her in The Fifth Element. She has only become more beautiful over the years.

Number Two

GRACE PARK is Hot. That's all I need to say. If Battlestar Galactica was crap(which it's not) I would still watch it for her. She recently appeared in an episode of Stargate: SG1 as well.

Number One

Indubitably One of the hottest women on the face of the planet, KATE BECKINSALE takes the number one spot. The movie Underworld wasn't that great, but it was well worth it to see Mrs. Beckinsale in tight leather with guns and fangs.

We Have a Winner

There really was no competition, just waiting for the residual charm to wear off and listen to everything I've been saying to myself about Boomer(she's a Cylon for cryin' out loud). I am a better person than I was the last time I had this dilemma, which of course was the same two girls, many years ago.
Having said that, I'm not sure it's exactly true. I am a better person in some ways, worse in others, but that's pretty much how it works with me.
I've even got a date with her on saturday, it should be a lot of fun. Come to think of it, every time she's been in town for any period of time we've had a 'date'. the last time I saw her was when she was back in town before she went to Finland for study abroad, and we went to Shakespear in the park.

A smiley face doesn't cut it.
Try hockey body checks, moshpits and barroom brawls.

Girl Vs Girl

The two chicks Im going after right now can be related alarmingly closely to Starbuck(left) and Boomer(right) from the new Battlestar Galactica series on the Sci Fi Channel. Sara is Starbuck.

Starbuck is the best pilot in the colonial fleet BEFORE the cylons attack. This is never stated, but we know it to be true. She's a fighter as well. Sara falls into this comparison rather nicely. She's not a starfighter pilot, but she does like to race and knows how to drive almost at Rogue squadron capability. I wouldn't hesitate to put her at the commander of Wraith squadron, with a few Rogue maneuvers under her belt. She's also a bit angry at the world, but that's healthy, or at least it fuels her, and that's greatness. finding out the back stories of the characters, I would have to say that Sara has similar plot points, but not exactly, or necessarily the same types, but similar.

Larkin is Boomer. Boomer is absolutely hot, and has the added ability to charm whoever she wants. She's not a great pilot, but she's not horrible either. She is a victim of her upbringing, inasmuch as the 'people' who 'raised' her were not that great. (ok, they killed billions of innocent people). Now, Larkin isn't a Cylon(at least I hope not) but she does possess the charm one picks up from Boomer in the series. Larkin's parents were uber-Christian closed-minded people who threatened her every deviance with a Lake of Fire. She has rebelled against that, just as the On-Caprica-with-Helo Boomer has.

Now you see my fucking dilemma. Larkin is hotter, I do have to say that, but Sara is cooler, and gets into more trouble that doesn't deal with drinking yourself into oblivion. Sara has a more subtle charm, that sneaks in and plants itself there for you to find later and by the time you do find it, the roots have taken hold...
and you're fucked.
Larkin, on the other hand just drenches you with charm, lets you dry, then dunks you in a pool of it...
and you're fucked.

they're both fucked in the head, but I can't say that I'm the sanest person in the world either...

So in conclusion... Cylons get you with hotness and Pilots get you with awesomeness.
I'm gonna explode. That's all there is to it. With a hand in two different moving cookie jars, im gonna be ripped in half.

Girls, Truth, and the Parched Man

Loneliness has never really been a factor in my life when it comes to finding relationships. From the countless times my mother has said 'lonliness is not a reason to start dating someone', to watching my father get into horrible situations because of it, to reassesing why I like a certain girl to being at peace with myself, I've had reasons to at least try to date for the right reasons.

However, when you are alone for an extended period of time, and out of the blue you bond with someone, the lonliness that you have integrated into yourself so you don't fall into an abyss of depression seems like the most foul cancer on your soul.

This is the situation I am in presently. I was fine, looking around at possibilities, stringing myself along with the possiblity of meeting a great girl, but for the most part content in my search, when Larkin starts kissing me.
It was like walking into a room full of the smoke from the purest, most desirable, and ultimately world-destroying drug, and inhaling as if I had just broken the surface of water.
I wanted more, and there were few things that would stand in my way.

But I was still content with my situation inasfar as relationships were concearned. I was single and kissing a beautiful woman. Sneaking around a corner and stealing a kiss that lasts several minutes, riding the thermals of infatuation and maddeningly slow progress that in the end, makes the conquest all the sweeter.

I had slowly transversed from adapted lonliness to an infatuated single, and it was good. My motives were as pure as lust can make them, and deeper still. Crushes are dangerous things, and to be avoided at all costs save the fact that life is much more interesting, real, and tangible when they are present, versus living like something out of I, Robot.

When the opportunity to take the relationship further presented itself, I stood tall and faced it head on, only deluding myself with one assumption.
"They must have broken up."
When this proved to be false, a hoarde of feelings assaulted me, ranging from stunned disbelief to depressed defeat, from anger at being used to high spirits that she chose me, from resolve to break them up and have her to myself, regardless of the consequences, to calling her a whore to the host of conflicting ideas and plans in my head.

Yet, perhaps the worst knowledge I have gleaned from this situation is how easily I allow myself to be led around by my cock. They say love is blind, but I beleive Lust is blinding.
Aside from this, I am alone again. I am a boat who's lines have been cut, sending it floating away from the others it was tied to, adrift and lonely. Self sufficient, yes, but heading for disaster on the rocks to the east, unwilling to power up and find another group to join.

Worse and Worst, I feel the lonliness. I feel the pull of the familiar, and I want it gone. I want it gone with such a furor that I'm afraid who I would take into my bed, or at least into my arms just to keep the wolves at bay. The only times I use people is when I am so completely focused on something else, and the opportunity arises to fulfill a secondary objective. I don't want to do this any more, I want all of my decisions to be based in some sort of rationale that isn't momentary, even if that rationale comes first, and then after it has become steady, caution is thrown to the wind, I still have the rationale that started the cycle.

I.E. Person A is funny and cute, but has a crazy streak that might have her chasing me with an Ice Pick. No. Person B is hot, but her personality makes chewing rocks look like fun. No. Person C is cute, funny, and intelligent, but her feet are ugly.
Person C has more good than bad, and so they are the best choice from here. Then caution gets thrown to the wind stealing kisses, tickle wars and throwing her into the lake and jumping in after.
Not, as is the current default position, Hey that person is interested in me, it'll be easy... oh god what have I done?

Perhaps the whole point of this is to say that once you have tasted the water after drinking piss for so long, you don't want the piss again, even if it means drinking muddy water until you can find another spring.

Dreams, Women, and Auld Lang Syne

I had one of those incredibly real dreams last night. I was at swim practice with a crush of mine back in the day(who was awesome at swimming) and we were talking and I followed her into the locker room, still talking to her, when six of her friends start changing. this is cool, until one girl, a tall blonde with short hair and long legs runs out and tells me I can't be here, that I've got to go this way. She talks and talks and talks about this is wrong etc. and I look at her and say something to the effect of 'the art of being wrong is lost on you, isn't it?'
She blushes and we start hanging out.
Next scene, we're walking down the way, flirting talking etc, and we go to her job. Walter and Leon are there(two of the Sr. Engineers from work). they see me and get sorta red, as in, this is the real job, you've been conned into thinking you had the real job. so we keep flirting, i kiss her on the cheek, and then the Overlord Boss comes In and asks what I'm doing at this site.
Walter(a 65 year old string bean Giant who's the nicest guy you'd ever meet) took this girl aside and spoke to her, and she came back to me crying.
Walter said that there are all these important reasons why we can't be together. First and foremost because you are going on a mission soon.
I look at her and smile, kiss her and say wait for me.
Then I take off in my P-51 mustang with modern missiles and shite. the town we were in was beautiful as hell. Almost like a Naples type architecture with hanging gardens everywhere and glass buildings and such. I went to war in my P-51, but the dream ended.

On a more serious note, Larkin got so smashed last night that we had to carry her from the bar.
We as in Josh(her boyfriend) and I.
The funniest part about all of it was he went outside to smoke and started talking to a bunch of people. She looks over at me, smiles and puts her head on my shoulder. It doesn't work she falls into my lap, gets comfortable and passes out. Josh walks in.
"I think she's had a bit too much."
So the shit may very well be hitting the fan with them today, and I may be in the clear to fuck her brains out again.

I almost got a kiss, but I saw the girl too late. Will looks at me and says, that girl over there keeps looking at you. I turn and its a girl Annie knows, but who has repeatedly tried to give me her phone number ever since. oh well.
I started the year off ok. Larkin kissed me on the cheek, i had a shot of bubbly, flirted with old girl, drank a couple of Yodas(an LIT with melon liqueur instead of coke)went to Zacks place and shot off mortar fireworks, drank sake and plum wine, and passed out on a dog-infested couch.
Happy New Year!