The Lamentations of a Disenfranchised Romantic
In life there is one thing that is constant.
People will fuck you over if you let them.
This is what I have let happen with Larkin.
I let her fuck me over for two months, and I wanted her during this time, regardless of what she was doing to me. I still want her, but I don't want WHO SHE IS. I want her body, I want a girl with the same or greater level of charm that she has, but SHE is one of the worst people I have ever met, let alone fallen for. She supercedes Jessica Whitman, who, in front of my face went for my best friend over me.
In my dealings with Larkin I accepted what I wanted to hear against the knowledge that she would fuck me over.
What we want is much more powerful than what we know.
She fucked up.
She fucked up big. She just lost the only chance she had to get back with me, and I'm not bragging(because my competition is the dregs of society) when I say that I was the best thing to ever happen to her.
She has gotten herself into a rut that will be all the more dfficult to climb out of the longer she stays in it; yet, the problem is, she WANTS to be in this rut. She can't step back and see the larger picture and know where she is. She will never see past the moment, and that(thankfully) is never a LASTING problem I have. I get it every once in a while, but I generally get myself away from whatever it is that is keeping me from stepping back, and then do so.
In more ways than the surface meaning. What we Know(as in what we are used to) is far worse than what we WANT, and yet, somewhere buried inside us, we WANT what we know, regardless of the so-called "realization" that what we know is wrong.
It's a vicious circle called love, and it is the greatest failing and(simultaneously) the greatest strength of our species.
My question is this:
If we were able to step past Love, to completely exonerate it from our existence, would we really miss it?
All of the detritus that comes with this feeling we think is supreme would be stacked against the true nature of the feeling, and the detritus would FAR outweigh the feeling.
At this point we could say to ourselves that a life without love is indeed better than a life with it, for the desire to love brings too much crap with it. the desire to love allows us to get ourselves into positions that a more intelligent, more rational being would never consider. We fool ourselves into thinking that the moments of "true love" are worth all the shit, and that once we "find love" all will be catapulted into outer space by the overwhelming weight of the [drunks can't utilize vocabulary] that our current situation affords us.
this is bullshit.
People will fuck you over if you let them.
This is what I have let happen with Larkin.
I let her fuck me over for two months, and I wanted her during this time, regardless of what she was doing to me. I still want her, but I don't want WHO SHE IS. I want her body, I want a girl with the same or greater level of charm that she has, but SHE is one of the worst people I have ever met, let alone fallen for. She supercedes Jessica Whitman, who, in front of my face went for my best friend over me.
In my dealings with Larkin I accepted what I wanted to hear against the knowledge that she would fuck me over.
What we want is much more powerful than what we know.
She fucked up.
She fucked up big. She just lost the only chance she had to get back with me, and I'm not bragging(because my competition is the dregs of society) when I say that I was the best thing to ever happen to her.
She has gotten herself into a rut that will be all the more dfficult to climb out of the longer she stays in it; yet, the problem is, she WANTS to be in this rut. She can't step back and see the larger picture and know where she is. She will never see past the moment, and that(thankfully) is never a LASTING problem I have. I get it every once in a while, but I generally get myself away from whatever it is that is keeping me from stepping back, and then do so.
In more ways than the surface meaning. What we Know(as in what we are used to) is far worse than what we WANT, and yet, somewhere buried inside us, we WANT what we know, regardless of the so-called "realization" that what we know is wrong.
It's a vicious circle called love, and it is the greatest failing and(simultaneously) the greatest strength of our species.
My question is this:
If we were able to step past Love, to completely exonerate it from our existence, would we really miss it?
All of the detritus that comes with this feeling we think is supreme would be stacked against the true nature of the feeling, and the detritus would FAR outweigh the feeling.
At this point we could say to ourselves that a life without love is indeed better than a life with it, for the desire to love brings too much crap with it. the desire to love allows us to get ourselves into positions that a more intelligent, more rational being would never consider. We fool ourselves into thinking that the moments of "true love" are worth all the shit, and that once we "find love" all will be catapulted into outer space by the overwhelming weight of the [drunks can't utilize vocabulary] that our current situation affords us.
this is bullshit.
posted by Hadrian: Dark One at 9:04 PM
1 Comments:
Love is a crazy emotion, but it is by no means anathema. Does true love exist? I have no idea, for I've never found it in the context of our culture. But I know love is out there, and it is far more potent than I sometimes enjoy. It does lend itself towards irrationality, but it also lends itself toward greatness.
It was Sam's love for Frodo that was shown when he said "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you!"
It was your mother's love for you when she let you back into her house to help get you on your feet.
It was your love for me that helped get me through some rough spots in high school.
Love should never be confused with lustful intention; it is so much bigger than that. It is looking at a person and saying, "More than my own, I desire joy for you." From what it keeps sounding like, despite the way you feel about her, girl has no such sentiment toward you.
Despite whatever charm she has, or how great she is in bed, when you find someone who is willing to say that for you, all of the false charm and "monkey sex" will pale in comparison.
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