People Suck

Personal interaction is simultaineously the bane of all existance and the fabric of it. No one can go through life without personal contact and feel as if their life is fulfilled, yet, we all strive for a painless life.
It is this conundrum that, in my mind, is as pressing and elusive as a definition of love.

Good people try to make the right decisions for various and sundry reasons, one of which is to save your friends from the hell of your wrong decisions. Now, the whole point of having friends is having someone who sticks by you when you do make bad decisions, and tries to help you make the right one next time.
Making the right decision is always hard, and that's a great way to know which decision to make. If it's hard, if it hurts, if you will be persecuted by those around you, then it's the right way, and honestly, the only thing you get from it is the knowledge that you did the right thing. You won't become famous, you won't be rewarded. You will be downtrodden and you will miss out on experiences.
Rest assured that by making the right choice, you experience all the pain now instead of later, and you will always wonder what would have happened, even if you have chosen the other way twenty times, this one could have been different.

The current choice I must make is whether or not to continue allowing someone to make the bad decision with me. I cannot stop them from making the bad decision, and I cannot guarantee that this person will ever make the right decision when it comes to this issue, but I can stop myself from being party to it.
Or, I can continue to reap the benefits of such a wrong decision, and merely rationalize that I am doing nothing wrong, all the blame goes on the other person.
Here's the thing. I wasn't doing anything wrong, but if I continue along the same path, I will be doing something wrong. I was clueless to the situation, I gave the person the benefit of the doubt, and assumed that this person had done the right thing.
Now that I know differently, I would be doing the wrong thing to continue.

Drink on this Day of Irishness

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

In the immortal words of Connor in Boondock Saints, EVERYONE'S IRISH ON ST. PATTY'S DAY!

So slake your irish heart's desire and drink beer, be merry, and find a cute member of the opposite sex.

and in the meantime, here's a toast:

May those who love us love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles,
So we will know them by their limping.

You Push It

This day has started out fairly roughly. I was somewhat sure the loan I had applied for wasn't going to go through, and so I had called my mother to give me a ride to work. She gets here, and before I even get to the car, she yells, "I have to go, you haven't had a shower, Walk." and proceeds to drive off. Needless to say that pissed me off. After that, I call the bank, only to find that the loan has indeed been denied.
I can handle this, It just puts back getting my car for a few days. Then I call down to the DMV and find out that my license is suspended until September 14 because I pleaded guilty to driving on a suspended license(a $100 fine).
I still owe my boss money for bailing me out of jail, Im currently broke, with plans to go out tonight and tomorrow. There is no food in the house, and I can't even afford to pay five bucks to lift weights today.

I have been of the oppinion for a while now that good things and bad things happen alternately. Recently I have decided that I get punished for all the good things in my life. This weekend was one of the best I have had in too long to speak of. It seems that today is the resulting punishment for that wonderful time. It's like reverse Karma.
On the other hand, It could be that I get good things for the bad ones that happen to me, but that's as trite as the glass and it's proverbial lack of liquid.

I do feel like im being punished for the good in my life. I don't know why, I don't care why, I don't like it. Austin calls it the curse of living an interesting life, and I can see what he means, what with how much i've milked the story of my wheel falling off...
Anyway.
Life is ciclical, I understand this. I just wish the wheel was a bit bigger, taking a bit longer to rotate 180 digrees.

Right Here, Right Now.

There are certain movies that play to my innermost desires. I have come to realize that these desires are to escape. To run away from it all, to find myself in the journey. To sever all ties and go.
The Virgin Suicides plays to this desire. Its a story told from the perspective of three guys looking at a girl who has too much stress in her life, and has decided not to deal with it, but to run away.
She is caged by her life and stress, and desires to fly free, away from everything.

I never got away. I didn't deal with my stresses when I was first going through puberty, wich for me was the worst time in my life aside from hormonal changes.
There is still the desire to hit the open road, find people i love for a short time, and run away again. to drive through the morning fog into a new city, explore the sights, live the life and move on, never to return. To meet, fall in love with and leave too many people to count. I don't desire to screw exorbitant amounts of girls, I desire to find love in all its aspects. To experience the love and infatuation that comes within the first six months of dating someone new, and before that dries up, before I become complacent, to move on. To wake up in a feild after a party, the love of the night before still fresh on my skin and dissapear with the morning fog, to live life in the now, experience all the new beginnings and never see them wither. To live with the knowledge that there are people out there who love me and wonder what happened to me, never to find out. To find new travelers, be with them, and in the next town meet new travelers. To spend my nights with new friends in sterile white light while the walls and floor around me are caked in grime, only to drive off the next morning, having left a new friend or lover, to never settle, but pick up odd jobs, work at a steak 'n shake in some backwater town until I have enough money to move on; to find the soul of People as a whole, and leave before it can see me true.

To escape all the bonds and ties that hold me here, to be forever free to be somewhere else.

"What we have here, is a dreamer..."
-Virgin Suicides