"If I Had it All Again I'd Change it All"

Looking back, which I'm starting to think is a character flaw of mine, reveals to me a Tree of a Thousand Branches, each one a different path my life could have taken, given different choices I could have made.

I could have applied myself to my schooling as far back as middle school, graduated High School with honors and AB Calculus under my belt, perhaps even at 17. I could have set my life on a path of righteousness, I could have given myself over completely to the scum and darkness. Instead, for most of my life, the only choice I have made is not making one.

Here I am now, without a college degree, working in a warehouse through a temp agency, living with a girl who is pregnant with (probably) my child, without insurance, driving a car I only could afford because of the charity of a dying aunt. Barely floating above debtor's prison, and yet, only about 3 thousand dollars in debt all told.

I could have been something. I Could Have Ruled the World.
But Superman shot Kryptonite for the high, and is now a fat man in pajamas immune to nothing but the common cold. He knows his path, he knows what he was supposed to do, but with 1% of what he was given at birth, he's no better than you or I.

I used to believe that I wouldn't change a damn thing about my life if given the chance; that the person I am was worth all the bullshit choices.
I was wrong.
Who I am now is nothing but another face in the crowd, exactly like but never at home with all the other men who work at Amazon.com, unmarried fathers with an inflated sense of worth and too much pride.

My Just Deserts need more sugar.