Days of Yore

I was just talking with a co-worker about competitive swimming. I remembered how much I loved the ability to swim a 50m butterfly, get to the end and see my competitors all just flipping around, still half way back. I remember still having the energy to say, "I could have done more," and getting out, my legs not even shaking.

I miss those days. I want them back. I want to have the energy to sprint a quarter mile, then realize I could have either run it faster, or run farther. I want to have the control of my body that comes with that. I want to have the energy to run, play, hike, climb, fight, etc. with no adverse effects. I want a healthy body, free of all the bad shit I've done to it. I can have this, and since I'm running low on funds, I think now is a good time to quit smoking as a first step.

The key to this life is doing things that make you feel good. A mature individual does the things that are required of them, whether they make them feel good or not, but then turn around and make themselves feel better.

When you feel good, everything else is a cake walk.
Start doing things that make you feel good. Then stop, ask yourself "Does this really make me happy?" and go on; either to the next thing, or continue doing what you were, depending on your answer.

Everyone deserves to be happy; no matter what has happened, what you think you've done, what you know you've done, what consequences of your actions threaten your peace of mind every waking moment, you deserve to be happy.
These things are in the past. They're over and done with. Time to grow from these experiences, time to realize you deserve to feel good, so long as you regret your actions.

Regret is a powerful tool. Some people say they regret things, but truly only regret the consequences. If one truly Regrets something, one will never do it again. One can Regret an outcome, or an action; regardless, Regret keeps the whole thing from happening again.
There are extenuating circumstances. Sometimes our willpower just isn't strong enough, but this leads me to the greatest trait of our species.

You beat us, we come back stronger.

When your lack of willpower causes you to fail, your willpower will only get stronger for the next time. This will happen as many times as is neccessary to build up your willpower to be able to withstand whatever it is you are trying to conquer.

Some people give up. When this occurs, the regret isn't powerful enough, and is not a true Regret.

There are things in this world that we have no control over. we can Regret them, and try to become stronger to prevent this from happening again, but we must watch ourselves, we must talk to someone else.
Alex is this person for me. I get myself on a path, I build up my emotional and mental defenses and my attacking forces, ready them for battle, and Alex points out that I'm going in the wrong direction. He points out if I send my troops against that target, they will all be in a pit they cannot return from, and I will be that much weaker.
For instance; If someone close to us hurts us in a fundamental way, we could send our mental and emotional troops to destroy the want and need for getting close to other people in the future. "I will never get that close to another person again." "I will never love anything again, because it could be taken from me at any point." You have just sacked your own territory. Rather, send your troops to destroy the nievete that allowed you not to see what would happen. Create a bulwark against frivolous and spur-of-the-moment emotional investments. Take more caution. Look before you leap.

We all hunger for the times when we had a safe bubble to live in; when we didn't have anything to worry about; when we were capable of great feats. We must realize that we will always worry about something, and if we choose the right things to worry about, if we step up and take the brunt of the forces, we will survive, and there will be one less thing to worry about. We can eventually put ourselves on a path of least resistance because we have yet carved the path our water will travel.
There will still be obstacles, but that's life. One day we will look behind us and see our river stretch on behind us into the sunset, and we will know it is good. We will see from this vantage point the mistakes we have made; that if we had chosen this way instead of that way, our river would be straighter. Then you realize you have carved out a beautiful picture of peace. Our river has become a four-leaf clover, a horse, a face, happiness. Then we will sit back on the beach and watch the new beginnings we have spawned like fish in our stream, and finally know that life is good.

Thoughts on Life

There are times in this life that I wish I could change history. These feelings are fleeting, but common. I always come back around to the conclusion that, had all the events in our lives so far not transpired, we would not be the same people, and thus, would not have necessarily met our friends.

It pains me to see the result of loss of innocence. People change, and not always for the better. We will never be the same and our potential changes. Sometimes we fall into traps that for the most part destroy our futures.
And yet, life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you. No matter what has happened to us, what we have done that we regret, we can rise above and make something beautiful.

Unfortunately, a lot of people don't live by this. Many people ask 'why me,' and then use what has happened as an excuse for moral infortitude. They become victims, and define themselves by that.

The best times in my life have always happened during the worst times. This might sound odd; some people think that it can't be the best time in your life if there is too much strife.
In my oppinion, the strife counterbalances the good fortune, forcing you to enjoy it that much more.