Randomness Incarnate

I forgot what I was going to write about, so I'll tell you about the 7:30 Space Battle.
Every evening during the week, there will be a thirty minute space battle. Sometimes there will be crossovers, like the Enterprise vs. a Star Destroyer, other times it will be Race A with their ships vs. Race D with thiers. No plot, just battle.
eight races with ships, each with their own style of music fighting each other. It will be great.
I think the Sci-Fi channel would eat this up.
All I would need would be enough funding to have several Graphics crunchers, a really decent rendering program, and film to put it on.
I would encorporate real space physics, different types of weapons due to technological advances and stuff like that.
Later, I will spend time in airplanes as big as 747's in freefall with vacuum tubes in them with cameras all around it, with enough air inside the to scale models as there should be, plus some kind of fuel, and see exactly how the thing would blow up. this is, however what I want to do if the Hadri Story ever becomes a movie...
but that's another story, and another LOTS OF YEARS away, with too many variables for me to even think of it now.

Badass Weekend

So last night the fifth season of Smallville premiered. It had such things as the Fortress of Solitude, the Phantom Zone, Disciples of Zod, Lex Luthor is starting to hate Clark, Clark lost his powers(again), and he's finally hooked up with Lana Lang.

Tonight, Serenity.
Nuff said.

No Battlestar Galactica tonight, they are restarting the second season. Which means, to me, that I'm not getting a new episode until at least ten weeks, possibly more, because they took a day off half way through, and halloween will be all scary movies and stuff, so that's at least eleven. Bah.
GIVE ME BSG!!!!! they've already filmed 10 more episodes, why not show them now!!!?
I know why, but still....

Going to be working at a haunted house again this year, so October isn't going to be as stretched, money wise, as I had thought. Due to a recent court appearance, moneys were used that were not available, if you will, and now I have to accept the payback for two weeks, meaning, if I wasn't getting paid to scare people, then I would be incredibly short this month so I could get all the bills paid... but it has all worked out.
I have, up until now, veered away from other POV's in the hadri storyline. I believe that the short story books will flesh the world out enough, and have a 100 page snippet in the middle of the stories that is Hadri and the things he does. I could just throw the short stories into the real novels, every other chapter is a short story dealing with someone else, who may or may not die, this chapter deals with this character that we don't see elsewhere, but it serves to flesh out the reasons for the invasion, and the reasons the commonwealth is fighting so hard to regain their territory.

on another note, not so far away from the current topic, I have totally restarted the Training years to incorporate the MC dealing with the things he wasn't able to do, namely, bury his dead sister.

Hindsight

In hindsight, Last night was a good night. I had a lot of fun, and I had a lot of regrets. Court however, went well. I got all but two charges dropped, and the other two I have until november something or other to take care of...
I'm going to try for Karen next time I see her. I might try for Molly at Ramsey's too, I don't know, but I'm starting things now.
I'm going to go work out at the rock this evening before I go out to check out the Haunted house with clay, I'm going to work on that, write tonight, hell, i may even run to the rock and try to run back.

Emo Trip

Tonight was one of those nights that you have to sleep on to figure out whether they are good or not.
I walked Larkin home tonight, talked to her for a while at her place, we walked arm in arm the whole way AT HER INITIATION, and had a bit of tension when we got to her place that said, I'm not quite sure what it is I feel about you...
I aslo found out that she thinks, or at least on of their mutual friends thinks, that she is DATING Josh.
This is fine with me, at least I know Josh is a good guy.
I mean I gave up on her last week or the week before, right?
I also catch myself saying that they kinda fit. I can't fault myself in saying that I am a better man, and this is not "josh is lesser than me," but I have more things going for me in the long run, I have more things I am passionate about. He has his good things, I have my good things, it's one of those 'she could do better with me, beacause, well, it's me,' things.
He's probably better than me in ways that I can't compare to that matter to her.
Oh well.
I'm a bit bitter, methinks, because i really wanted to be with her while I had a chance, but looking back, I did BLOW my chance more times than I can count.
I just have to accept that I suck when it comes to getting girls I like. I can get girls, but if I really like them I end up closing doors because I figuratively run away from opportunities.
EEEAAHHHHH!!
I hate losing. I don't know why, because i seem to do it so fucking often...
DAMMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why can't I do things right?
Why can't I fit into society?
Why do I have to distance myself from everything that is good as soon as I find it.... But more importantly, why do I find something good and almost perposefully fuck it up?
I mean seriously, I have never been with a girl that I REALLY liked. I mean fuck, the girls I have been with i have liked, but none of them have the same OHMYGODSHEISFUCKINGHOT
ANDSHESLOOKINGATME
ICOULDGETWITHHERIFIJUST
GOTALKTOHER vibe.
I don't take risks, and I hate myself for it.

On to other reason's why I not sure if tonight was good or not...
Old girl that I messed around with the other week was there playing with my hair, but she is now ingaged to someone.
hmmm. Kinda wierd that.... maybe she was looking to see if she really wanted old dude. Oh well, I can consent to being used like that sometimes... Especially because I'm so starved for attention right now.
Karen(the hot, interesting, stable, funny girl that sits with other people but still talks to me every time i see her) was there too, and she specifically hit on me.
Cam "You're still here! It's dark outside and you're still here."
Karen "I was gettin sweet lovin' for a while." She stops and looks at me. "I'm not getting sweet lovin' anymore."
Ben "Ha ha ha! That's an Invitation Cam!! GO FOR IT!"
Cam "hahaha." Sits down, thinks 'i should get her number this time' and promptly stops thinking about it, because he's too chicken shit.

Why can' I allow myself to get a good thing?
the girl that has been talking to austin for a while came outside to smoke and started playing with my hair from behind me.
"Ahhhhhh. I am your slave now..."
"Hmm. You're my slave?"
"Mmm hmmm."
"Then say something mean to Austin, slave."
"Austin, you're a fucktard."
I had to think about it for a second, I could have REALLY pissed him off, but i decided just saying something mean worked.

I guess the whole thing is, I have no morals, I have no real standards, I will fuck anything that throws itself on me, because I'm starved for attention. The girls I like, I can't let myself be with because I hate myself so much and I'm a scared little bitch.

Milestones Are Bigger than This.

So I rejoiced for a few minutes, then realized that the first Iteration still isn't quite done. There are some overhauls needed specifically on two scenes, and a character overhaul on on person, which means one more scene needs to be changed, though it's a small one. Due to the character change there will probably be another scene written just after the shit hits the fan...
Sigh. I thought i hit a milestone, but I just hit one of the peices that fell off it.
Oh well, another night's work.
I ALSO FOUND A DOCUMENT THAT MEANS I'M NOT IN LEGAL TROUBLE ANYMORE!!!!
118 pages so far edited close to Overhaul Specs, 15 of which need revamping still.

Still on it.

Having Said That....

I am thinking that the anthology of short stories would work better for Book Two of the Chronicles of the Second Invasion, so that we see some of the nasty shit that goes on, and we aren't nailed to Hadri's cross.

"I just got some great news."
"You've gotten an offer for your book?"
"No, i just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance."
My insurace payment just went down to around 460 bucks every six months. VEEEEERY nice.

back to the matter at hand. I had planned on skipping some time, and was wondering how i could fit in Hadri and Chelsea's wedding while still skipping the time necessary.
Six Book Series, the Chronicles of the Second Invasion.
Book One: On Wings of Rage. Hadri's story until about a year after he graduates from quasar training(six months after the Clans invade).

Book Two: Anthology of Short Stories 1. Ties in a bunch of stories about how bad the clansmen really are, throws in a couple of great stories from before Hadri was born and the Braddesh Wars, up until a lot of shit durning the Second Clan War. here we see a couple of snippets of hadri and Obsidian Drake squadron, a couple of things that happen to them out of combat and in, plus stories of people you never meet again, or maybe do. If you read the next book without this one, you won't miss a lot of Hadri's story, but a lot of the things they'll alude to will be in this. Michael stories.

Book Three: Rites of Blood. Hadri's story as the clans beat the commonwealth, the resistance starts and shit hits the fan.

Book Four: Anthology of Short Stories 2. This deals with a lot of the things happening around the former commonwealth that hadri would have no way to know while the resistance is on. Michael stories, Hadri stories, throwbacks to other shit that happens while Rites of Blood is going on, shit like that. More stories on people you may never meet again, continuing stories of some you met in AoSS1, and other shite.

Book Five: Crimson Dawn. Hadri's story as the resistance comes to a close and the Commonwealth grabs back some of its territory. Hadri's story pretty much ends here.

Book Six: Anthology of Short Stories 3. This one deals mostly with the battles to liberate the former commonwealth systems. This also follows up on what the other survivors of the Chronicles are up to, primarily some of the surviving Drakes. This also brings the series to close with a couple of stories that deal with Hadri's children and grandchildren, and perhaps a lot of the rebuilding stories that have massive devastation, but people actually starting to make lives for each other again, and life going on.

The Michael Chronicles will fit in as books in the same universe, but not actual Chronicles books.
Chronicles of the Second Invasion: Michael Just, with the title after or before or something like that. something that will tie the two together on the cover

Other possible stories in the same universe. The Braddesh wars, dealing primarily with Joseph Killigan, and possibly some characters that have fallen so far on the wayside that I may have to pull out my old Macintosh to get at.

Now. I have other stories on the burners as well, some fantasy stuff, a couple of different stand alone things like that. I do believe if i get good enough at writing, and popular enough, this could be fairly lucrative.

Sandwiches are Good.

For some reason I'm not qualified to live in our society. I can't seem to keep up with what needs to be done, and I get bitten for it.
I'm one of those people who should be shot for self-negligence.
I don't care about myself for whatever reason, and it shows in all aspects of my life. Even my writing shows this, because of how much I enjoy it. It's an escape that I can fesably make money with, but I'm not quite sure it's healthy anymore.
I need to start thinking about my future that doesn't include writing novels.
Problem is, there is nothing I want to do.
I don't care enough about myself to find interest in something else, I don't care enough about myself to get in shape or do anything that would increase my chances to get a girl, except writing a story about someone who has different problems than me.

I just can't get ahead. I'm not good enough.
I'm dying. figuratively and physically. my body is wasting away, and my mind has been gone since i was twelve.
I have a death wish, but not the enjoyable kind.

Ok, I have said my peice, and something cool has happened.
I have come across an opportunity to scare people.
For three out of the last four years, i have worked at the Trail of Terror; a low-budget haunted house in jacobson park. the first year was absolutely awesome; the people were great, the sets were innovative, and 'the scaring was good'.
The next year a new company took over, and the crew(dave, alex, clay, traci, me, annie, mark) got SCREWED. We worked the whole time, helped build the sets, managed several sites and were the best scarers out of all the workers save two.
We didn't get paid. We had to threaten the people to get our money.
The next year we had nothing to do with it.
Last year I decided to give it another chance, and ended up leaving half way through, because the management was still fucking with me, and they weren't appreciating my skills.
This year, I have found a new place to haunt that seems like it works much much better than any before.
YEAH!!!
Clay is interested as well, and a few other people from the original crew might come back out as well.

Here I find myself wanting to call annie and tell her about the opportunity. And not just that. I find a sort of, hey that would be cool, vibe, as well as a, hey she's hot, vibe too.
Damnit. I guess I'm still a bit vulnerable from the last couple of hours when life seemed to be falling off into the abyss; and all our differences apart, she's a damn good girl.
Austin and Will maintain that I still like annie, and she still likes me.
*shakes his head*
I would like to give it another shot... but at the same time i wouldn't.

Vulnerability sucks, but being too impregnable sucks too.

Cool Shit.

To tell you the truth, before I lit the fire under my ass, I hadn't been having a lot of fun with the story. I had been hacking away at a single scene in my spare time that wasn't taken up with video games, and generally doing nothing productive. I do believe that yesterday was one of the more enjoyable days I have had in a while.
Now that this milestone is closed to finished, I can breathe a bit easier. I am actually on my way to doing this, I am making progress, and I am actually doing something worthwhile. Accomplishing a goal, whether it be to walk up the steps without resting after a knee surgery, or finish a chapter, or ask a girl out, or even finish a drawing that has been waiting for two years always helps with my self esteem(not that I've ever had knee surgery).
It gets me going, it gets me excited, and it fastens another buckle in my armor for the next challenge.
Last monday I went over to Ramseys and got food, and one of the servers was hitting on me as soon as I walked in the door. I sat down at the bar and started talking to the bartender, who was flirting with me too. It's just one of those things when good things happen, you know why you love this place.

Can you leave it all behind; cause you can't go back.... Hole my will, hole my strength, rip it out, start again.

Well, Hadri has finally come to life in my mind as a whole person. I knew his morals, likes, dislikes, past, goals, hell, I even knew what his favorite ice cream flavor was. The thing that has cemented him as a 'real' person was finding his song.
The song that reaches out and discribes him, to a T.
Caine's song is Limp Bizkit's My Way. It describes what he will do to get what he wants, it describes his thoughts, it describes the aura and the feeling of 'being caine'.
Hadri's song is Offspring's Defy You.
"You may push me around, but you can not win; you may throw me down, but I'll rise again. The more you say, the more I defy you, so get out of my face... you cannot stop us, you cannot bring us down, Never give up we go on and on... you'll never break us, never bring us down; we are alive.
My anger grows, I'll use it to win...."

When finding a character's song, it has to be something released to the general public, written by someone other than you. If you can do this, you can make real characters.

So I have edited all the way through Chapter five so far. I'm going to read through chapter five again and see if anything needs changing, but as far as that goes, the first Iteration is done with. Theres two or three things i need to think on before i set it on the figurative shelf, but as of now, i can, with a clear conscience, finish reading the fifth chapter and work on the sixth, where the new part starts.
Hardcore milestone there.

Ripping Out Pages By The Chapter.

Well, I like what I've been doing with this Overhaul Editing phase so far...
I've taken out several bullshit scenes, rewritten half of what happens, and have plans for a lot more. I've added dialogue to clear up some "why didn't they just do this" questions, and added some scenes to clear up what happens.
If this story goes down to 200 pages, that's fine, I'll just extend my deadline at that point, but I want this OE phase done by december 1.
I'm still on schedule.

Back to it.......

Butif youdon't love menow, youwill never love meagain...

...But I Still hear you say you willnever break the chain.
I LOVE that song. Silkworm's Break the Chain.

I had a hell of a time last night at pint night. Larkin wasn't going to show up, but she did. Karen, this realy pretty, intelligent, hot, funny girl was flirting with me, a girl I messed around with a couple of weeks ago was there too, and we were flirting, our server was one of my favorite people, because she doesn't throw her tits at you to get better tips, she uses her personality for that. Stormin' Norman was there as well.
Stormin' Norman is awesome. He's a forty five to fifty year old black man with a voice that everyone knows a mile away. He gives everyone names of famous people, because he'll forget your real name, but you'll never know that...
Our server's name was Jaime, but Norman(who by the way, is a LACEist{he doesn't like white laces} inside joke...) called her Selma, and there is a close resemblance to Selma Hyek, but this girl is cuter in a down-to-earth way...
Anyway, Norman started calling me Bruce Willis.
Larkin got lost in the fray, if you will. I look over in a lull, and she's been sitting there quietly drinking her beer...
so I try to engage her in conversation, because I hate for people to feel left out, but it was like talking to a box of flat rocks. she got lost in the fray again later when I started talking to all the cool people that come up to our table every week, or visiting other tables... or flirting with the girl that got me pregnant two weeks ago(inside joke...again, sorry). I didn't really see Larkin again until she was about to leave.
She asked me the same question she always does... 'what are you doing this weekend?'
To wich i give my normal reply, 'No clue, that's too far ahead.'
She then says 'I'm going tailgating saturday, if you want to come..."
"that sounds cool..."
A few minutes later she invites the whole table to go tailgating this weekend. Cool. that means she's getting more comfortable with the people.
It was kinda funny, I hardly payed attention to her at all.

I have decided to cut back on Nicotene hardcore. I am allowing myself three to four cigarettes a day, and eventually I will quit if i smoke that little. Today I didn't smoke until 1:00, and had a half cigarette at three thirty. Therefore, i get at least one and a half the rest of the day, maybe two and a half...
I realized last night that I haven't been depressed since I started smoking. Now this is cool, but I also haven't been hyper since then either. That's not cool.
It's almost like I have killed part of myself.
Studies show that niccotene works for ADD people(and I use ADD ONLY to represent people that ritalin calms down vs makes hyper and crash.) the same way ritalin does. Lots of things work differently on people with ADD. Marijiuana, Cigarettes, Ritalin. Those are the ones I know of, but there are more, I'm sure.
There are specific reasons why I don't like taking ritalin. It seems like its killing part of me, and it makes me depressed. Cigarettes seem to have done a better job of balancing me out, but at the same time, I don't want to be balanced all the time.

The Darkness Within

Well, for those of you out there who are tired of hearing about Larkin, this is something you'll like.
No more posts about her, no more thoughts, If she is as interested as she would have me believe on wednesdays, then it's her fault. If not, well, it's my fault.
There are other bullets in the ammo dump.
I don't even know why I'm so attracted to her. Maybe it has to do with the fact that she's an old crush. We all know those don't usually work out...
I thought about making her jealous, but that quickly passed. I just don't care any more. "I can't love you any more DUHDUHDUH DUUH."
we'll just ignore the fact that the song is really a love song, I'm scared of the sound of loving you more, but hey.
Realistically I probably fucked it up...
Regardless, it's time to move on.
No me gusta alguno otras mujeres. Esta es la problema.
I'm sure, though, that as soon as I find myself in a situation to meet people, like class, or even attending University functions, I will quickly relegate her to the background again.

I don't deal with things when they happen to me. I like to think that I don't bottle things up, but that's not true. Most of my life is bottled up, leaving me with a small portion of myself, like Morphius and his bag of sand, jewel, and helmet. I've segregated my personality to the point of mental impotence. The desires i have point to something bad in the past, and therefor I tamp them down so I don't have to deal with them.
I used to be actively afraid of the part of my mind I had walled off, thinking of all the bad things I said and did in the past, but now I know, to use a horrible Lucas-tastic reference, You can't have the light side without the dark. Once i dig deep enough to deal with these things that i have repressed, then I beleive i will be a much more whole person, and able to actually go on with my life.
In the meantime, Ill work on my novel and get it published, visit my family and shite like that.
On the topics brought up in the last post, these things are kinda fesable, but my tech level is much higher, and I'm not about to write a history of technology.
It is a fiction story that takes place in the future. World-building is absolutely necessary, but if i want proton guns and artificial gravity and antigravity and dimensional shift FTL, then fine. Obviously i need to make sure nothing is contradictory, but hey... that's what it's all about.
like some weapon tech has come from failed attempts at FTL or Antigravity or something like that. maybe there's a missile or slug that has limited antigravity on it, but the drive is faulty and will blow up after a certain amount of time running.
This isn't important...
but it is cool to hear, once in a while, somthing like that. Some know-it-all comes up and says, you know, the precurser to that device had these problems, and they spawned how we wash our clothes now, or did you know that the first try with X tech yeilded the PR97 gun that is standard issue? or space blankets or something cool, but not to bog it down.

Productivity

So... I've been fired as a writer due to lack of productivity.
Anywho. For the last hour I've been bookmarking different systems in the commonwealth and clan space, as well as the other systems. Humanity spread in a fairly even sphere, but the commonwealth is nowhere near the only government out there. Celestia becomes even more of a marvel the longer I fuck with it.
There are some Crackpot Ideas out there for science fiction... Most of which have been brought to my attention by Austin.
"Space Elevators could save you massive amounts of energy" , "why use mirrors and other devices to pull the star's solar wind to the planet, when you could use that material to build solar sails and pull the planet to a different orbit?"
WHATTHEFUCKINGCANDLESTICKHELL?????!!!!!!
Other Candlestick Idiotic shit that i would hurt myself to repeat has flown forth from this man's consciousness.
MY sci-fi story, MY rules. I do research, I do a lot of it. I don't want to write a story that takes place in 2020, and is obsolete by the time that year rolls around, but I have technology jumps that don't require explanation. This is a fiction work primarily, that happens to be set in the far future.
I'm not writing a science book. This is not a theoretical future that I have spent my life doing research and plotting probablitiy curves for.
This is A future where certain things are a given.
He's also trying to get me to use Superconductors in my story as apposed to Anti-gravity.
I figure superconductors will be obsolete shortly, plus, the tech level this thing is working at involves dimensional shift technology. If i say its possible to jump dimensions to one that goes helluvalot faster, then why can't i say they have harnessed anti-gravity? If you can artificially create gravity, then... well, something like that is batshit insane.
My Story, My Rules. If something directly contradicts itself, that's one thing, I'm no George Lucas, but if it's just a plan to make me change terminology, or to put something in there that is just plain stupid, well, like I said, I'm no George Lucas.
i told him the other day that if he wanted to write a story with moving planets and space elevators he could go ahead, but On Wings of Rage is not that story.

Quasar

If only I had photoshop here, and a couple pics of explosions, and video editing software, I could add Carmina Burana to this and have an awesome thing. I'm going to try to put Carmina Burana on my soundbyte in my profile, so.... give it a try.

And Now Comes the Fun Part.

Regardless of that, I feel tired, used up, and ready to just go to sleep for a while.
Very shortly the pre-military iteration of the Hadri story will be finished.
I'm talking one editing session that doesn't involve me goofing off.
the crap part will be starting the next one... but then it gets fun.
All the dark shit is out for a while, and humor replaces it. The training years are going to be a lot of fun to write, because there will be conflict, which, of course is necessary and fun, but there will be a lot of pranks, jokes, and hilarious situations. Even MORE fun will be editing and writing more of the active duty part, which has all kinds of openings for hilarity, character development and tragedy.
I have enjoyed the hell out of editing the first part, and it's not QUITE over yet, but the next part will be awesome.
I still need to go back through and add some flow things, tweak a few scenes and bump up the funny stuff, but it won't be more than a few extra pages, whereas the next two thirds will be MUCH longer, and require at this point something like 70-100 pages I haven't written yet.
*slumps onto desk*
The scope, really, is what's eating at me right now. There is a lot of work coming up, and I only have roughly 60 days in which to do it.
* slumps back onto desk*

on another note, there are not a lot of things that a blowjob will not cure.
Bad Days, Heavy Work Load, Low Self-Esteem.
It is my belief that a man should get a blowjob at the VERY least once every two weeks. It keeps him sane, it keeps him happy, and it keeps him on top of his game.

if that sounds chauvinistic, then let me clarify. I like reciprocating, Women should get theirs too, and that does things for the guy as well...

Unspeakable...

what is about to be said must never be within 5 lightyears of Alex or Austin's ears.
Though there were lots and lots of problems, i think i had the most fun yet in a relationship with Annie.
Nothing will ever come of it again, but it was fun for the most part, and it has led to hours upon hours of hilarity remembering some of the shit that came from our mouths directed at the proverbial fan before it hit the other.

anyway, I want another relationship that is as in-depth as that one. I hope to god I am a different person than i was then, but I can't necessarily say yes or no to that.
Though I am leaning heavily toward yes.

Will Work For Food

This is one of those times when I question whether or not I am a worthwhile person.
Stacking up faults like bricks, building a wall to hide behind should I find an answer I don't like; knowing that building the wall is yet another brick inandof itself, and that the answer I already know is one that will make me both want to hide behind and destroy said wall.

If I am questioning this, how is another person who is trying to figure me out NOT questioning this?
Josh(a friend larkin keeps bringing to Pint Night) told me last night that every time he talks to me, he likes me more and more. This is great, he's cool, but I wish Larkin would say something like that.
there are things in my life that make me wonder what good I bring to others. My life has become so close to stagnant that I can smell the fetid water. I have plans, goals and aspirations, I am working toward these things, but for some reason it feels like no matter how many steps I take, and how often or quickly, I'm still watching others shoot past me. I am a snail trying to be a rabbit, and it's killing me.

I just need to accomplish something and get back into school, and then worry about dating, One of my main goals is losing weight, and as much as I hate to admit it, I am a fat man, and we have harder times getting girls.
Alex has his black sash, and is teaching at another school, I am one of his students, and a prospective assistant instructor; so the weight loss, the publishing, and next semester will all come in time.
Yet I want these things now, and I want the other thigs that come with it now. My life has blown a tire, and I'm struggling to replace it while everyone else is driving to where they're going.

The Man Who Could Ride In Women's Minds.

this is a short story idea i am thinking of, specifically because I have NO IDEA what goes on in women's heads... Espeacially Larkin's.

I don't know what larkin wan'ts with me.
there are all kinds of factors that play into knowing the unknowable, which is, of course, the female mind, and in particular, LARKIN's mind.
I made a play tonight that basically has her and i doing something on sunday night, regardless of wether one or the other of us calls the other.
she said, "We'll see."
I also said to her, specifically, in an area where we were together but apart from everyone, and she said something to the effect of call me on saturday. I looked at her, straight in the eye(keep in mind that we are both drunk) and said, "no." she looked at me strangely, but I knew exactly what she was thinking.
What?
I stared deep into her eyes and said; "If we leave it at, Call Me, there is a 95% chance that either you won't pick up, or we won't do anything."
she looked away, as abashedly as a drunk can, and said, "You're right."
this is when i told her that i was taking her out to a movie on sunday. There will be a good movie on, or we will rent something."
This is when she said 'we'll see."
SOMEBODY OUT THERE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So after she leaves, I say, out loud, to anyone who is listening and everyone who isn't "FUCK IT!!!"
Austin looks at me strangely, and i repeat my outburst.
I have been holding on to the girl who CASUALLY charms the hell out of me for WAAAAAY too long, and it is time to say FUCKIT.
If nothing comes of this weekend, then I won't even fucking flirt with her next week, I'll just drop her and flirt with EVERY hot chick thats out there.
MANWHORE?
not until i fuck someone.
FLIRTWHORE?
ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY. I am a flirtwhore, and that is just who I am. there is nothing you or anyone can say to me(baring my wife saying 'If you don't stop this I'm leaving') that can disuade, or even change this fact.

If anyone out there reading this has ANYTHING relevant to say....
Post like a motherfucker.

Cyber Fags

I tell you what, this is what I Love about the internet. People can log onto forums, chat rooms, blogs and whatever else you like, and start fucking flamewars.
Half of these people wouldn't say this shit to your face.
But I guess that's the problem; there's no impact, no broken bones or bruised faces. The internet emasculates you. No one in these flamewars can hold up an argument with real logic, no one possesses the wit necessary to turn an insult around properly.
When this happens in real life, fists fly.
On the internet, phrases so inane that they don't bear repeating here float around like punches from a Boxing Nun.

Fags.
(btw, you don't have to be homosexual to be a fag)

Anyway.
Apparently there is REAL medicinal value in Chicken Soup. Your mother always told you there was, but now, the University of Nebrasca Medical Center has published a study in which chicken soup, not chicken, or chicken broth, but the actual concoction of Chicken Soup, has certain cold-impeding qualities.

On another note, I edited something like 68 pages last night.
The down side is this. Two chapters, 5: with 36, and 6 with 32 pages respectively. They are now 15, and 10 pages. The fifth chapter would have been less, but I rewrote the entire damn thing.
sigh.
Just more than half of the pages were kept in said editing session.
Now, I'm going to keep another 8-12 from the sixth chapter, but they will end up far later in the story, and possibly be changed drastically, because the character is not the same 3 years later. Though I suspect that maybe the leave for the second year might work... regardless.
Shi-hit.
by the way, I can't tell you how many pages i have edited so far, due to some not being posted, and others being edited twice. I was going chronologically, but I stopped. about 100 pages, I'd say.
Problem. 150 left, plus 88 from the beginning, and as of now, something like 80 more pages to write.

Which means, of course, I'm still "fortifying the hill with the bodies" or, making more "funky stories with rib cages in them" as Wash would put it.

What?! What?!

NANOWRIMO is DOWN!!!!
probably for repairs or updates, I don't read the "Things you should know" forum...
Shit. That scared the fuck out of me. Oh well.

hopefully it will be back up either tomorrow or the next day. I mean, it's not like I needed anything, but still.
THe last two days have been so unproductive, due to sickness, that i have been writing for the last three hours.

The challenge of the writer is to tell the same story in a new and interesting way.
I feel i have failed in this regard with what I'm about to do.

Larkin and I were supposed to go to the dame to see her friend's band play. I call her, she answers, asks me if I still want to meet her at her house and we can walk over there. I say sure. She calls me back a few hours later and says she's not going, she's going to bed.
This is cool, merely because she did, in fact, call me instead of just standing me up.
She made me promise I wasn't mad at her, wich I thought was funny.
Last wednesday we had a lot of fun, but of course, it was Hoegaarden night, and everybody has a good time at Hoegaarden night...
But yeah, she seems like she's coming into herself, or something like that.
Im going to stop now, because 1) im talking out of my ass, 2) I'm tired of talking about it, and 3) i need to get back to ACTUAL writing.

Neart agus Gcomhreir Meabhair, Coirp, agus Spiorad.
Gaelic for: Strength and Harmony of Mind, Body and Spirit.

Plans, Goals, and Cosby

I have decided to set up something cool with the chronology of the books. On Wings of Rage ends sometime within the first six months of fighting, and Rites of Blood picks up five-six years later, when the fighting is drawing the fuck near earth. After Crimson Dawn comes out, even if there are several instances of remembering battles in that, it still leaves room for an anthology of short stories from the minds and POV's of characters not in the novels, or only fleetingly mentioned, as well as historical stories as well, having to do with Hadri's father, maybe the reasons Joe Killigan is regarded as the best pilot in the galaxy, stories of Major Coffman's thoughts and aspirations, maybe even a short about Colonel Iverson when he was either a Major, or a Lt. there are all kinds of stories to be written, and some or most of them can be ground-based, dealing with something like what michael goes through, or the reason James Moore survived the withdrawal from Tau Ceti(Obsidian Drake squadron blasts the opposition for close ground support) or a time when Hadri has a man named Greg Victor come up to him after he's married to Heaven and living his life away from the hectic lifestyle of wartime CSFC, and thank him for saving his life. he brings the kids over, and the wife, giving hadri a sense of, ok, my life isn't totally fucked up.
or years upon years later, Hadri remeniscing about old war stories with Aunt Chelsea in front of the kids, or with blankets and dogs napping on feet, sitting in front of a fire, or one of Hadri's twenty year old grandsons asking Marcus about him, and what kind of person he was, hadri being fairly closed lipped about his past and dead for a few years at that point.

and now for the cosby.
Last night, we created a demon. Bill Cosbico, a male calico cat that says "Oooh, he's alergic, yasee. I'm gonna make him play with me."
because cats are evil, and they know if your allergic to them, and they want to play with you even more if this is the case.

Realizations

There are times in one's life when certain actions and/or goals become viable in one's mind. for instance, I was at a Collective Soul concert when I was 12, and I suddenly realized, these are real people, and if they can do it, so can I.
This is when I started teaching myself how to play my dad's accoustic guitar.
There was no catalyst with writing, however. I just started, though only recently did I actually realize it's possible for me to publish this, rather than merely thinking about it in my daydreams.
This Realization crap happens to me all the time. I remember when i first realized i could date the girls i went to school with.
The dawn sun illuminates the landscape....
Oh... cool.
It's strange, though, talking to Matthew Stover has actually cemented something in my mind. I'm not sure what, but something.

At Long Last.......... Nothing Has Happened.

This is an MSPAINT drawing of the current CS Military Dress uniforms. The First is Commonwealth StarFighter Command(CSFC) the Next is CSMC(marines) the third is Fleet(CSN)...

So two weeks ago Trey and Zack both come in on leave from the Navy.
This is cool, I haven't seen either of them in about a year. Then, Tim calls and says he's coming back as well. Malloy and Carrie basically spent his leave time secluded with the children....so they're not coming back. But yeah, so the only mutual best friend of Austin and mine that hasn't come back yet is Will.
So I'm sitting there with Tim in my office, and I say, the only thing we need for mutual friends now, is for Will to walk in.
Litterally Ten Seconds Later...
Will Knocks on the door.

There is proof of my sci-Kik Powerz!!!!
Also, needless to say, I am pretty far in the hole now, giving myself something like 75 bucks to put gas in my car, do pint night, and go to the grocery. Uhhh. whoops.
And NOW I've been pulled over, and I have to either find the proof of insurance that DOESN'T have an expiration date, or find some shady mo'fo' that runs an insurance agency to say that i did, in fact, have insurance on the first of September(my current Insurance has lapsed).

So THIS is why I'm losing my hair. Ok... as long as I know why. *yanks another lock*

Catalyst

Sometimes being a catalyst sucks. Other times, I seem to come out of it unscathed, only to have someone else catalyze my life.
Oh well. I guess it's easy to be a catalyst when the opposing forces are lined up, or at least when there is an army hidden in the trees, waiting for someone from the town to slap the commanding officer or start shooting.

Anyway. I have spent some time today modeling the Obsidian Drake Squadron Coin. Squadron coins have a long history, but the current usage, at least when alcohol is involved, is to call out a member of your squadron. he then has 60 seconds to produce his coin, or he owes you a drink. If, say Chelsea challenges the whole squad, and all but Wes produce said coin, Wes owes the squadron a round. If everyone produces the coin, Chelsea owes the squad a round.
I like this particular custom.....
Bop!
It's a silver coin with gold inlay, The front is the squadron symbol and saying, Pluvia Ignis, or Rain Fire, the back is the Quasar insignia.