Moving Like A Stagnant Pond

I am starved for attention, but not in the classical way that has me making an ass of myself.
Though, of course, I do that often enough.
It's hard to explain my feelings right now any better than Billy Joel did back in the 80's.

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be
He says Bill, I believe this is killing me
As the smile ran away from his face
Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place
Sing us a song, you're the piano man
sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright
Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talking with Davy who's still in the navy
And probably will be for life
And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinking alone

I have one friend. One person to go to a bar with or eat out with or go to a movie with. I have been slowly dissolving socially over the last couple years, and there's no cure but the curse, if you will.
I guess what's made me think of this is a combination of things over the last two days.
Yesterday, drinking at Lynagh's with Austin, David walks in, makes me finish my beer and come with him. We go barhopping, and I'm diving now into a sea of unfamiliar faces. Most importantly, after having been politely avoided at two bars, he plays the Piano Man song, and that always gets me down, because I want to sing the song from Billy Joel's perspective, but I end up singing it from John's, or Paul's, or the waitress, or Davy. I am the one left behind. everyone else has moved away and gotten on with their lives, while I'm stuck in this place, not only phisically, but mentally.
Tonight, I didn't feel like going to Pazzo's, because I have nothing to say to those people, and wasn't looking forward to seeing any of them. Going to work at Terror on Tates Creek, I am slammed with the knowledge that the cute girl Who Is Awesome(but underage) is no longer paying attention to me, except in the barest moments of conversation, while she's talking all out to clay and the others. Before she was talking to me like that too. It's not that I want to date her, she's in a different place than I am, though not too far away, I just want to be acknowledged. I want the attention. I remember the night she stopped talking to me. I hadn't said anything stupid or anything like that(which, of course, I am wont to do), she just stopped talking to me.
Alex hasn't called me in four months, and every time I do call him he answers the phone with an "Oh," that has the words "it's you" attached non-verbally.
Malloy and Trey are in the Navy, and I no longer have anything to do with their lives, and that's good, they moved on.
I need to get out of this place and start over new. I could start over new here, but It wouldn't be the same. At that point I would't see anyone I knew in the crowd, I would be forced to make familiar ones pop out next time.
I have no problem talking to people, never have, but i don't run into people i want to talk to very often. The problem with this is, I'm too young to be jaded. I'm a 39 year old trapped in the age group of 17, and I can't seem to act like a 23 year old and find the 23 year age group.

Well, I guess I've bored Matt long enough, who is realistically the only one who reads this shit.

Character-To-Author Indignation

So I'm writing on OWOR, and I get to a part that needs to be changed. This is not out of the ordinary. I start changing it, and Heaven does something that is totally unexpected, sundering the plot.
Hadri is about to go off and kill some people. Heaven jumps on the bike with him, trying to get him not to go. I am dumbfounded, and I set my Writerly skills in motion to get her off the bike.
It doesn't work.
"Heaven, get off the bike." I say.
"No." she says indignantly.
"What do you mean, no?"
"No."
"I'm the Author, you're the character. What I say goes."
"Not gonna happen."
I throw my hands up in frustration and say, "Hadri, get her off the bike."
"How?" he says, throwing his hands up questioningly.
"Caster, get her off the bike," I say.
"She is Woman and she is Roaring, I'm not touching that."
"Damnit, somebody get her off the bike."
So I set my god-like writerly skills in motion again, this time with Hadri's help, and we eventually get Heaven off the bike, so the plot can go on.

What this says to me is all three characters are whole people. I can no more set things in motion that they wouldn't do as they could control my life. This is a good thing, a very good thing.

Needless to say, I'm having a lot of fun with this project.

The Current Reason I'm Not Wokring on OWOR...

Chris Ellison, a friend of mine from middle school who I have not really been the best of friends with, well, ever, just called me and asked me to be his Best Man.
WTF???
I seriously don't think I'm the best man for this job. I mean, I hung out with him in middle school, but afterwards, I kinda fell out with him, and hung out with him for a bit in my stoner days, but seriously, I don't really know all that much about what he gets into.
This is a bit more than fucked up.
It kinda makes me wonder about a lot of the details. He claims that he and his girlfriend want to move in together and her parents are religious enough to want a marriage first, but i think there might be something deeper, like pregnancy, or something else.
He has, however, been dating this girl for three years or so, so I guess it's not so bad...

Throws his hands up and walks out.

Back To It

I have been having a hell of a time trying to write the last couple of days. I sit down to do it, and get drawn away by other things. I have several things I need to do with the story, most importantly write the damn thing, but I just kinda fall off the wagon if you will. Today will be a day given over to writing and nothing else. I am in a reading phase, but that will be put off until November, because that is when George R.R. Martin's next book of ASoIaF book comes out, A Feast for Crows.
Looking forward to it, but at the same time, November is National Novel Writing Month, and, well, I need to Nano.

Back to it.

New Images and Development Report 2

Here's a view from the inside of the bay, looking at several fighters that are resting there, not on or with pilots, and one launch door closed. I've been putting a bit of work into this image, modeling the launch doors, the ladder/stairs for the pilots and editing the fighter so the engines aren't on.
Hope you like it.
I have been thinking...
I will push for putting a web address in the book that says, for visual images and video from the book, visit this site www.chronicles2invasion.com or something like that. hope the publisher that doesn't exist yet will allow it...

New Images and Development Report

I still can't get the lighting the way I really want it, oh well...
This is a pic from the outside of the ship, looking at one bay door open with the fighter ready to launch. No photoshopping yet, but I'm gonna put the blast burns on the door behind the fighter.
I've been doing a little bit here and there with OWOR, mostly developing the minor characters, and seeing what kind of hilarity I can squeeze from their interactions. Mostly Chelsea and the other squad leaders, plus a few upper classmen. He spends a lot of down time with his squad and with the other squad leaders, who most of will be in the graduating class of pilots with him plus the upperclassmen leaders as well...
I have also cut the number of pilots going in, and raised the number of pilots going out. I think 24 graduates out of 72 candidates is much better than 12 from 144, plus, that kind of scope is almost impossible to bring across with the kind of umph that I'm wanting. Oh, that whole squad washed out... oh well. now we have replacements from othersquad, great. That also requires me to develop WAY too many characters, instead of 34 minor characters, it would be something like 50. replacements need thier own persona too...
I'm acting like a Nanoer this month, developing characters and plot devices for the upcoming 50,000 word race starting in 15 days. I figure that 50,000 words is approximately 170-200 pages, which is what I'm really going for right now with the restart, but if I fall behind, then whatever... I'm pretty sure the current deadline isn't going to happen at all. Oh, well, no need to change it until it's absolutely obvious it needs three more months.

Another View

Here's a pic that shows more of what I was talking about...

What I Shouldn't Be Doing At Work

So I've been working on various parts of OWOR lately, and rediscovering the fact that if I write, and put some effort into it, I'm not that bad. I've got about 14 pages into chapter 6, which I'm totally rewriting from the ground up... and been working on rendering pics of the fighters, battleships and other shtuff like that. Here's one that I particularly like. I've added more engines and fins, and made the original engines into afterburners. It also helps that I have made a new model of the battleships and included the fighters in it...
So I'm going to stop rambling about that and start rambling on something else, I just don't know what yet.

Blah, tell me what you think of the Pic.

The Dream Runs Faster Than I Do.

Here's the thing. I need a fairly detailed account of what happens in the next two books before I publish the first one. I already know that the second two books are going to be more enjoyable, both to read and to write. The first one needs to hook you, and be interesting, so that people will continue to read them, but the premise and the story for the first iteration just isn't as interesting, at least to me. It's a different type of story. The second and third iterations of the first book will be on-par with the second and third books, which i think will work well for the whole picture.
I don't know what to do with it yet, but it's looking to be a much bigger project than originally scoped. I'm keeping my deadline until it needs to be extended. The problem is I want to quit my job and be a professional writer. I believe that this will only be possible if i focus on several short stories a month for a while, get some capital under my belt and wait for the 'quit-my-job-and-sit-around-writing-phase' to come much later.
The dream keeps running, and I watch the realization date move farther and farther down the path. I'm still ripping the clothes off of it, but it's putting more and more on as fast as I rip them off. It's a game. Not quite a stale mate yet, my victory is still eventually fortold.

The harder I work at it the sweeter the taking will be.

Sit Rep

So this moth is going to be shit for writing. I realized last night that I am always going to be tired after Terror, and there won't be much writing done except before I work on saturday and sunday.
sigh. I hadn't planned on that, and that may end up bumping the overhaul editing phase into january, but hey... maybe not.
I'm tired of re reading the first iteration, and well...
fuck, i could do it now...
hmmmm.

Progress Report

Well, I got a c+ for productivity on saturday, an F last night and a B+ today, yet, when it comes to my real job, I do believe I'd get an F today. Oh well.
I have been working today on the extended story, and realized this weekend that the training semester needs to be completely re-written. Is ok, I'll be using much of the same Ideas, just starting the thing over with the stuff Hadri is dealing with at the time. I think I've started it fairly well. Once i get up the gumption, which needs to be tonight after i finish my work at Terror on Tates Creek, I need to up and FINISH the first iteration. There are only a couple of scenes left to do before the Final Editing takes hold, but there needs to be a span of time between the two for certain parts, otherwise I don't get the kind of perspective I need. My Change Log is shrinking, I think I need to change seriously two scenes, maybe three, and then it will be gravy. Matt, I can send you the revised first Iteration for your reading pleasure, and give you as far as I have gotten in the Second Iteration as well. About 6 chapters, roughly 100-120 pages. The characters for the Second Iteration are coming to life as I write, wich means goodness is passing into the book that wasn't there before.
the major problem I'm encountering is great characterization for people who are in it for 10-15 pages max. Oh well, that's good, I guess. They need to be as real as everyone else.
Plus, as I think of it, there are no reasons why they can't be in there longer, I mean, the O-club is still the O-club...