Sandwiches are Good.

For some reason I'm not qualified to live in our society. I can't seem to keep up with what needs to be done, and I get bitten for it.
I'm one of those people who should be shot for self-negligence.
I don't care about myself for whatever reason, and it shows in all aspects of my life. Even my writing shows this, because of how much I enjoy it. It's an escape that I can fesably make money with, but I'm not quite sure it's healthy anymore.
I need to start thinking about my future that doesn't include writing novels.
Problem is, there is nothing I want to do.
I don't care enough about myself to find interest in something else, I don't care enough about myself to get in shape or do anything that would increase my chances to get a girl, except writing a story about someone who has different problems than me.

I just can't get ahead. I'm not good enough.
I'm dying. figuratively and physically. my body is wasting away, and my mind has been gone since i was twelve.
I have a death wish, but not the enjoyable kind.

Ok, I have said my peice, and something cool has happened.
I have come across an opportunity to scare people.
For three out of the last four years, i have worked at the Trail of Terror; a low-budget haunted house in jacobson park. the first year was absolutely awesome; the people were great, the sets were innovative, and 'the scaring was good'.
The next year a new company took over, and the crew(dave, alex, clay, traci, me, annie, mark) got SCREWED. We worked the whole time, helped build the sets, managed several sites and were the best scarers out of all the workers save two.
We didn't get paid. We had to threaten the people to get our money.
The next year we had nothing to do with it.
Last year I decided to give it another chance, and ended up leaving half way through, because the management was still fucking with me, and they weren't appreciating my skills.
This year, I have found a new place to haunt that seems like it works much much better than any before.
YEAH!!!
Clay is interested as well, and a few other people from the original crew might come back out as well.

Here I find myself wanting to call annie and tell her about the opportunity. And not just that. I find a sort of, hey that would be cool, vibe, as well as a, hey she's hot, vibe too.
Damnit. I guess I'm still a bit vulnerable from the last couple of hours when life seemed to be falling off into the abyss; and all our differences apart, she's a damn good girl.
Austin and Will maintain that I still like annie, and she still likes me.
*shakes his head*
I would like to give it another shot... but at the same time i wouldn't.

Vulnerability sucks, but being too impregnable sucks too.