Moving Like A Stagnant Pond

I am starved for attention, but not in the classical way that has me making an ass of myself.
Though, of course, I do that often enough.
It's hard to explain my feelings right now any better than Billy Joel did back in the 80's.

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be
He says Bill, I believe this is killing me
As the smile ran away from his face
Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place
Sing us a song, you're the piano man
sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright
Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talking with Davy who's still in the navy
And probably will be for life
And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinking alone

I have one friend. One person to go to a bar with or eat out with or go to a movie with. I have been slowly dissolving socially over the last couple years, and there's no cure but the curse, if you will.
I guess what's made me think of this is a combination of things over the last two days.
Yesterday, drinking at Lynagh's with Austin, David walks in, makes me finish my beer and come with him. We go barhopping, and I'm diving now into a sea of unfamiliar faces. Most importantly, after having been politely avoided at two bars, he plays the Piano Man song, and that always gets me down, because I want to sing the song from Billy Joel's perspective, but I end up singing it from John's, or Paul's, or the waitress, or Davy. I am the one left behind. everyone else has moved away and gotten on with their lives, while I'm stuck in this place, not only phisically, but mentally.
Tonight, I didn't feel like going to Pazzo's, because I have nothing to say to those people, and wasn't looking forward to seeing any of them. Going to work at Terror on Tates Creek, I am slammed with the knowledge that the cute girl Who Is Awesome(but underage) is no longer paying attention to me, except in the barest moments of conversation, while she's talking all out to clay and the others. Before she was talking to me like that too. It's not that I want to date her, she's in a different place than I am, though not too far away, I just want to be acknowledged. I want the attention. I remember the night she stopped talking to me. I hadn't said anything stupid or anything like that(which, of course, I am wont to do), she just stopped talking to me.
Alex hasn't called me in four months, and every time I do call him he answers the phone with an "Oh," that has the words "it's you" attached non-verbally.
Malloy and Trey are in the Navy, and I no longer have anything to do with their lives, and that's good, they moved on.
I need to get out of this place and start over new. I could start over new here, but It wouldn't be the same. At that point I would't see anyone I knew in the crowd, I would be forced to make familiar ones pop out next time.
I have no problem talking to people, never have, but i don't run into people i want to talk to very often. The problem with this is, I'm too young to be jaded. I'm a 39 year old trapped in the age group of 17, and I can't seem to act like a 23 year old and find the 23 year age group.

Well, I guess I've bored Matt long enough, who is realistically the only one who reads this shit.